Detention Papers
by Ellethwen Celtica
Summary: Articles that have survived the years since the Marauders and Snape were in detention. Not in chronological order.
1. Chapter 1

Detention Papers

These are various detention papers that the Marauders and Snape have had to do over the years. Them that have read Letters Anonymous may recognize some of the poetry. This is in no particular order.

_**Why Slytherins are So Great** **By James Potter**_

_**Slytherins are great**_

_**Because they are fun to prank**_

_**Because they are fun to rank**_

_**Because they are fun to crank**_

_**Slytherins are great**_

_**Because they're competition**_

_**Because there's no repitition**_

_**Because they can't stand juxtaposition**_

_**Slytherins are great**_

* * *

><p>Why Gryffindors are Great<p>

_By Severus Snape_

_They take care of their own_

_Stopping fights when they get out of hand_

_Or at least try to_

_While they have their own little band_

_Not all of them follow their ways_

_True to their own path a Gryffindor stays_

_They really are loyal and sometimes even brave_

_But if I had to live with them my life I would stave_

* * *

><p><strong>To the Slytherins<strong>

**A poem of how great you are by Sirius Black**

**O, great Slytherins,**

**O wonderful Slytherins**

**You really are great**

**You give us something to rise above**

**Something to berate**

**You help us with our spellwork**

**Make us get better faster in the hospital wing**

**Especially when you're next to us**

**And when the year is over**

**You race us to the Knight Bus**

* * *

><p>Why Slytherins are Great<p>

Remus Lupin

Slytherins are great

Because they are so cunning

And are steadfast friends


	2. Chapter 2

Next chapter! The boys are in trouble for fighting again.

* * *

><p><strong><em>There are Reasons<em>**

_**By James Potter**_

_**Dearest Minnie,**_

_**You asked me to explain why I am always fighting with Snape. I can assure you that there are reasons. Very good reasons. First of all, he is not just a Slytherin, but a Slytherin Death Eater in training. He is so into the Dark Arts that I feel a constant need to knock the evil out of him. It is not my fault. I am a wizard of the Light.**_

_**Second of all, I do not think that Lily is safe around Snape. I've seen the way he looks at her, and it gives me the shivers. Since he refuses to stay away, I make it my duty to scare him away.**_

_**The third reason should be easy to understand. I am a Gryffindor, he is a Slytherin, and we have been rivals forever. It is not something that will end soon or easily.**_

_**Sincerely Yours,**_

**_James Potter_**

* * *

><p><em>Why Fight?<em>

_By Severus Snape_

_Why Fight?_

_That is the question_

_It's too bad_

_There's no simple answer_

_I'd tell you they started it_

_It's nearly always true_

_It's not like you'll believe it_

_You rarely ever do_

_I'd say it came from Lily_

_I guess we're chauvinistic_

_But I don't think it's total truth_

_I'm trying to be realistic_

_He's hated me since first sight_

_And Black always agrees_

_Now at the sight of one another_

_His blood boils and my blood freeze_

_They think that I am evil_

_A nasty Slytherin_

_Suppose I say the same thing_

_And try to turn them in_

_I try to stop what I do not start_

_But I cannot comprehend_

_Why school and summer hold the same dread_

_I just can't wait for it all to end_

* * *

><p><strong>Why Snape and Marauders do not Get Along<strong>

**By Sirius Black**

**It is totally impossible to make us get along, whatever you try to do. We are not going to get along because we had hate at first sight. Professor McGonagall might not believe that, but she doesn't believe in hardly anything. Anyway, we had hate at first sight, and it's quite easy to see that James and Snape both love the same girl, so that won't help the situation do anything but grow. Since James is dead set on never ending this, I and the rest of the Marauders must obviously help him. Friends don't let friends get into unfriendly fights without friends helping said friends. Does that make sense? Anyway, there will be no resolving this until one of the two are either dead, expelled, or married to said girl. You may as well get used to it.**


	3. Chapter 3

Detention: James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin

For: Fighting, use of magic in the corridors, causing injury to Severus Snape severe enough to suspend him to the Hospital Wing for a while

Assignment: Writing papers on the uses of anything that was used in the reason for detention.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Uses of Various Potions, Charms, and Transfigurable Things: Chapter 1<strong>_

_**By James Potter**_

_**Episkey**_

_**Episkey is a very useful charm, especially when wizard younglings are extremely prone to dueling, pranking, and other dangerous habits. The spell Episkey will heal minor injuries, such as a broken nose or cuts. Episkey cannot heal extreme wounds such as a broken arm or illnesses like Snorfpox. A real example of the uses of Episkey is when a certain Slytherin will cause injury to a group of harmless Gryffindors after said Gryffindors were caught in the act of creating a harmless and fun prank. Episkey was used to heal the minor injuries of the idiot who did not get out of the way of a wand blast *cough*Sirius*cough*.**_

* * *

><p>The Uses of Veritaserum<p>

Remus Lupin

Veritaserum is the most powerful of truth serums known to the Wizarding World. While there are others (Veritaspeak, Truth, Verify and Babble), Veritaserum is the most talked about, hardest to make, and used most in legal confessions. Veritaserum is highly dangerous when brewed incorrectly and if used too often on a person, Veritaserum will have semi-permanent to permanent effects on the victim. Common side effects of Veritaserum are paranoia (though technically not created by the drug, is commonly associated with it), permanent inability to lie, headaches, and sore throats.

* * *

><p><em>The Uses of Filch<em>

_By Peter Pettigrew_

Filch and his cats* are used as troublemaker detectors in Hogwarts. They induce punishments when in contact with out-of-bed students and innocent bystanders who are associated with the guilty party. Side effects of Filch are anger, desire to kill, acts of cleaning without magic, acts of writing some of the most boring papers on Earth, etc.

* * *

><p><strong>The First Page in What is Assuredly a Book of Spells, Potions, People, and Various Lines: Glisseo<strong>

**Sirius Black**

**Glisseo is a spell that makes stairs turn into slides. Any who are on the stairs at that point in time are sent helplessly speeding downward without the possibility of a magical stopping maneuver. Glisseo is one of the reasons that magic is forbidden in the corridors of Hogwarts, as the stairs of Hogwarts move, and students who slide off the stairs during a magical movement across thin air **_**–cough-Snivellus-cough-**_** are propelled into that air at an incredibly fast rate, which results in a downward fall that is dangerous and possibly fatal. The spell Glisseo is the reason that a certain group of Gryffindors is sitting quietly and doing the assignment they are supposed to instead of brawling with an insufferable Slytherin. Said Slytherin is currently recovering in the Hospital Wing as a result of Glisseo, and is inable to complete previously mentioned detention assignment. Are you happy now, Professor Minnie?**

* * *

><p>*Filch currently has two cats, Mrs. Norris and Mr. Newton.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**_Don't get confused with the two italics: _**

_-Lily-_

_Severus_

* * *

><p>Detention: Severus Snape, Lily Evans, James Potter<p>

For: Fighting, as usual, and putting Remus Lupin, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew in the hospital wing.

Assignment: Writing notes to each other for an entire detention period, in silence and without moving from their seat.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hi, Lily<strong>_

_-Screw you, Potter.-_

_**What's the matter?**_

_You got her into detention, idiot._

_**Shut up, Snivelly. It was your fault, anyway.**_

_It was not!_

_-You are all insufferable.-_

_**Am not! We would be perfect angels if **_**Snivellus **_**here wasn't around, or at least wasn't such a git.**_

_Oh, I'm sure._

_-Why can't you two _try_ to get along?-_

**_Yeah Snivelly, can't you try to be nice for once?_**

_Perfectly. Just not to you._

_-Okay, that's it. You two have to now give each other a compliment, a _genuine_ compliment, or I won't speak, or write, to either of you ever again.-_

_**What?**_

_-I'm waiting.-_

_Be patient Lily. I'm trying to think._

_**It's cool that you know so many Dark spells that you could probably usurp He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named with a twitch of your wand and a thought in your head.**_

_Very funny. I would not switch places with you if I could. With all your popularity and my upbringing, it would surely result in disaster._

_**Thank you very much. You are one of the few people who can make a compliment sound like an insult.**_

_-I thought it_ was_ an insult.-_

_I would say that is because even though we are all writing in English, opposite genders actually speak different languages._

_-Thanks ever so much, Sev.-_

_You're ever so welcome, Lily._

**_Hey! I'm here too! You're hogging the note!_**

_Yeah, so?_

_-Be nice, Severus.-_

_Stop making faces, Potter._

_**Make me.**_

_-Don't you dare. Do you know what'll happen if you two start pummeling each other here? It won't just be more detention.-_

**_Detention's over, thank God. See you later! Oh and Lily, will you go out with me?_**


	5. Chapter 5

Detention: Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew: 4th years

For: Dropping Severus Snape seven stories

Assignment: Apology poem

* * *

><p><strong>Oh Severus, Snivellus, Snape<strong>

**Apologies for you I drape**

**Upon this paper**

**I decline the mantle of fault**

**Though the spell was worth its salt**

**So sorry, Snaper**

**Just to add a few more lines**

**I really am sorry this time**

**So please don't come after me with a scraper**

* * *

><p><em>I am sorry Snape<em>

_For causing you injuries_

_I am just a klutz_

* * *

><p>Detention: Sirius Black, Severus Snape, Remus Lupin: 5th years<p>

For: Hexing each other

Assignment: 50 Lines each

* * *

><p><strong>I will not hex students in the halls (Snape is a vulture, he is exempt)<strong>

**I will not hex students in the halls (Snape is not a student, Snape is a house elf)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Remus, I can write whatever I want)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Unless Snape starts it)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Because writing lines is stupid)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Remus is a prick)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Remus is an annoying prefect)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Annoying perfect prefect)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Severus Snape sells slimy silver socks)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Remus ran rodents rabid)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (You two have no sense of humor)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (I am a poet; you are an idiot)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Minerva McGonagall makes mice muster Muggles)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (For they are all midgets, and I do not want to make them smaller)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Because they have a tendency to hex back)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (For good reasons)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Except for mates and enemies)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Unless they're my ex-girlfriends)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Unless they're evil Slytherins)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Except my brother, but he really doesn't count)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Because they'll be annoyed)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Because Remus is a prefect, and it's likely he'll suspend my Quiddich rights)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Because James has got them by the time I get there)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Because Peter might be one of them)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Because it might affect a special piece of paper)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Unless they are snogging)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Unless they deserve it)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Because I'll get an F in crowd control)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (If I ever want a chance at teaching here)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Of Slytherin's dungeon)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Because it causes House wars)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (But only for you, Minnie)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Unless I am practicing for Charms class)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Instead, I'll put potions in their dinner)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (I will put extra-strong Cheering Charms on them)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Because I might be suspended from the Hospital Wing when I need it)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Because I am scared of Pomfrey)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Because I ran out of ideas)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (Unless I refuse to be outdone)**

**I will not hex students in the halls (There, forty quotes.)**

**I will not hex students in the halls**

**I will not hex students in the halls**

**I will not hex students in the halls**

**I will not hex students in the halls**

**I will not hex students in the halls**

**I will not hex students in the halls**

**I will not hex students in the halls**

**I will not hex students in the halls**

**I will not hex students in the halls**

**I will not hex students in the halls**

* * *

><p>I will not hex students in the halls<p>

I will not hex students in the halls (Padfoot, stop that)

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls (Sirius, that is rude and McGonagall will make you write this again)

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls (I am not!)

I will not hex students in the halls (I am going to hurt you)

I will not hex students in the halls (Severely)

I will not hex students in the halls (Sirius, I am warning you)

I will not hex students in the halls (SIRIUS YOU ARE SO DEAD WHEN WE GET OUT!)

I will not hex students in the halls (The dog is dead at midnight)

I will not hex students in the halls (You're completely hopeless)

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls (Damn right I will)

I will not hex students in the halls (I refuse to continue this)

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

I will not hex students in the halls

* * *

><p><em>I will not hex students in the halls (I am not a vulture, Black!)<em>

_I will not hex students in the halls (I am going to _kill_ you, Black!)_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls (Right, like that's going to happen)_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls (I am _seriously_ going to kill you)_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls (You have no sense of comedic poetry)_

_I will not hex students in the halls (You are an idiot; you are also an idiot)_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls (Very unamusing, Black)_

_I will not hex students in the halls (Your brother is a lot nicer than you)_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

_I will not hex students in the halls_

**A/N: Severus and Remus write in reply to Sirius, it's probably a little confusing.**


	6. Chapter 6

Detention: Sirius Black

For: Hurling an improperly brewed potion at another classmate

Punishment: Writing about this event

* * *

><p><strong>The Second Page in what will be an Experienced and Well-Researched Book of Spells, People, Places, Events, Potions, Hexes, Apologetic Poetry, and Various Lines<strong>

**By: Sirius Black**

**Subject: The Event of A First Year Potion Hurling**

**In the second Potions class of the year, Gryffindor students were told to create a simple wart-removing potion. The Potions Master showed the class what the finished product was supposed to look like, a sickly-green sludge that the warty subject was supposed to rub onto said warts.**

**All had gone smoothly until the end of class. As the bell rang, a student by the name of Goyle had hissed, "Blood-traitor filth!" into the ear of a Gryffindor called Sirius Orion Black. Sirius responded immediately by grabbing a vial of completed potion and hurling it at Goyle. It hit him and was destroyed. Too late Sirius realized that the potion had been brewed incorrectly, as it was a rather pinkish color. Instead of getting rid of the warts that Goyle most obviously had, the potion instead caused Goyle to rapidly sprout hair everywhere the potion had touched.**

**The result of this potion smashing were as follows: Goyle now looked a cross between a mop and a panda bear, and Sirius was put in detention for retaliating against a most unfair and biased insult. Sirius was required to compose this page with only two things to help him: A magical thesaurus and a quill. As such, you may have deduced that the author is indeed, Sirius Black. Sirius Black wishes to close this narrative with the following statement: "Dearest Minerva, it is most unfair that I have detention when that git walks free!"**

* * *

><p><span>The First Response to the Second Page in What Will be an Experienced and Well-Researched Book of Spells, People, Places, Events, Potions, Hexes, Apologetic Poetry and Various Lines By Sirius Black<span>

Written by Professor of Transfiguration, Minerva McGonagall

As I recall, an insult of words is not sustenance enough to cause a reaction of smashing a potion on the insulter's head, whether or not it was brewed correctly. In the case of the latter, it is an extremely unfair retaliation, as there is no predicting what may happen to the person who was drenched in potion. Also, the insulting of the student further in the detention paper is proof of the immaturity of the author.

Black, stop using the thesaurus. You don't have a good enough grip on the English language.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Just a short one to slightly appease your hungry reading appetite. Also to prove that I have not disappeared off the face of the planet.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Two chapters in as many days? Crazy. Ah, I hate Rita so much, I had to put her in detention. I'm not exactly sure how old she is…humor me.**

* * *

><p>Detention: Rita Skeeter, Sirius Black, James Potter<p>

For: Causing a commotion in the Great Hall; sending Severus Snape to the Hospital Wing

Assignment: Recording this event _and_ apology letter

* * *

><p><em><strong>Really Cool Title<strong>_

_**James Potter**_

_**See here, Professor, this whole commotion business was blown entirely out of proportion. The most we did was make several people late for class. Mosquito was the one who got Snivellus into the Hospital Wing…**_

_**But I am getting ahead of myself.**_

_**Sirius and I were setting up a complex bunch of spells that would be triggered by different passwords (sadly, Lupin and Pettigrew would not have any part of the actual 'do' part of the prank, though the whole idea was mostly Moony's). We were very nearly finished when it so happened that a certain Slytherin and an annoying Ravenclaw (surely you know who I'm talking about) came shouting into the Great Hall about some newspaper article or another. Naturally, wherever there's shouting, there's a crowd, and the idiots set off several of our charms before the whole thing was completed, completely off-setting the whole network. Soon, crazy spells were happening all over the Great Hall, including a duel between the Slytherin and Ravenclaw previously mentioned. No one except prior stated Slytherin was seriously hurt, although many of us were dyed several colors, hit with Dungbombs, floated away by Drooble bubbles, and/or Vanished to the Come and Go Room, kitchens, or Assistant Headmaster's office.**_

_**Naturally, Rita Mosquito had to write it in the school paper, completely changing the details and blaming it all on us. So now a lot of the school is mad at us, and we're thinking about making the school papers a lot more charming, if you know what I mean.**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Apology Letter<strong>_

_**Dear Professor Minnie,**_

_**I'm not exactly whom I'm supposed to be writing this to, so I'll write it to you. I am very sorry that Sirius and I caused an uproar in the Great Hall yesterday and an even greater uproar today. Trust me, **_**I **_**regret it, even if Sirius does not. We will make sure that no one walks into a half-done prank ever again. Also, we pledge to not send Vanished students to your office, as it's probably very irritating to be grading papers when someone suddenly appears on your wet ink.**_

_**Sincerely Yours,**_

_**James Potter**_

* * *

><p>Outrage in the Great Hall<p>

Rita Skeeter

Yesterday morning, I was trying to interview Severus Snape for one of the school paper's regular columns "Words of the Student." However, he simply would not cooperate with me, walking away multiple times and drowning me out as much as possible. We were soon in the Great Hall, and I believe that Snape enlisted the two pranksters to get me. I tried to hex Snape with a binding spell (for obvious reasons) but I was quickly covered in ectoplasm and apparently Snape is an adept dueller. Sadly, he is not as good as a determined newspaper witch who needs a story before a deadline. He is now in the Hospital wing, completely by his own fault, and Madam Pomfrey refuses to let me in to finish interviewing him, which is completely unfair, as she immediately let that hag Evans in for no reason at all. This, I'm afraid, is a terrible scandal and I _will_ be reporting it.

* * *

><p>Apology to the Editor<p>

Dear Narcissa,

I am terribly sorry that I did not get the interview you requested for the school paper. The subject, a House mate of yours, stubbornly refused to cooperate with me. There was also that commotion in the Great Hall, and Madam Pomfrey would not let me visit the subject in the Hospital Wing.

Sincerely,

Rita

* * *

><p><strong>The Three Hundred and Thirty-seventh Page…et cetera<strong>

**Subject: A Mess Up in the Great Hall**

**Author: Sirius Black**

**Moony and Wormtail came up with a brilliant prank for all of the school residents. It was a network of spells that would come alive in response to different passwords, most of which are typically said in the Great Hall. However, the two cowards refused to take any responsibility further than the planning stage. And they're supposed to be Gryffindors! I'll certainly be having a word…**

**But I digress. Anyway, Prongs and I were setting up the network, when the two great idiots of the school came in, shouting at each other, apparently arguing about some stupid article in the school newspaper (oh, and Minnie? Don't read the next edition. I'm Sirius. You **_**really**_** do not want to do that.)**

**Ratty Mosquito was the first one who set off the unstable network. The password she used was "Irritating Git." She was promptly covered in ectoplasm, which diverted her Binding Hex from Snivellus and into the spells. A crowd had gathered to watch the bug's wrath, but they were quickly dispersed, the result of Vanishings, being kidnapped by bubbles, and general panic.**

**Now Snape is in the Hospital wing…again…but it's really not our fault!**

* * *

><p><strong>The Three Hundred and Thirty-Eighth Page…you know the rest<strong>

**Sirius Black**

**Subject: Apology letter**

**Dear Hogwarts,**

**I am sorry for the general commotion and panic that Ratty Mosquito, Snivellus, Prongs and I caused yesterday. I assure you that more than half of the crap that Ratty published in the stupid paper was false. We were not 'attacking' you, we were merely setting up a series of complex spell networks. If Ratty had not set off the spells when they were unstable, the whole thing would not have happened and you would not be walking around with ears the size of Ireland and biting tails.**

**Very Siriusly Yours,**

**Padfoot**

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you liked it! I sure did!<strong>

**Thanks all who read! Thanks all who review! Thanks to the maniac who got me hooked on writing these things! (Name is not stated to protect the guilty.)**


	8. Chapter 8

Detention: Severus Snape

For: being out of bed after hours for three days in a row

Assignment: a letter of excuse

_Dearest Professor,_

_I rather do not understand the point of this letter, as, though you may call it a letter of excuse, it is not excusing me from anything. I still have detention, because I am writing this letter._

_Having said that, I find it rather dangerous to my health to stay in the dormitories most nights. All Seventh Years are becoming very cranky, with a hex first ask questions later ideal. I don't see their problem, as I've been studying for NEWTs for a while, and see no reason to be so stressed out. Sadly, as the library is closed after hours, and the books tend to bite, there's not much to do except wander at night. Of course, on those occasions where Potter and Black are out of the dorms for the same reason as I, things tend to be much more interesting. We may hate each other, but we do like to try and send the other to the Hospital wing. Have you noticed that three of the beds there now have names on them?_

_Sincerely falling asleep,_

Severus Snape

Dear Mister Snape,

While your dry wit is amusing, you are not excused from the punishments of breaking the rules. I appreciate that you have been studying for your NEWTs, but there is nothing to be done about your housmates' lack of foresight.

I find it rather amazing that you would try to break school rules in order to read. While it does make sense that you, Black, and Potter cross paths often at one in the morning, I would highly prefer it if you did such on a night that I did not have patrol. I am nearly willing to give you a schedule of our posts, but as a teacher, I cannot do that.

I have indeed seen the beds in the Hospital Wing with Potter, Black, and Snape. It disappoints me to see that it is actually considered a reasonable thing. However, I would suppose that the three of you might as well have them in your last year at Hogwarts.

Sincerely,

Professor McGonagall.


	9. Chapter 9

Detention: Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black; second years

For: Creating an ungodly commotion at two in the morning

Assignment: Writing a paper on how to keep themselves out of detention

* * *

><p><em>How to Keep an unliked Slytherin out of Detention<em>

_Snape_

_Find out the reason said Slytherin is in detention; nine times out of ten it is not their fault. Slytherins only _try_ to get into trouble if there's a reason worth getting into trouble for in the first place._

_Lock said Slytherin in a room. That will keep him out of your hair for a while._

_Turn House-mates against said Slytherin…no, wait, that would get him into more trouble._

_Keep Gryffindorks away from said Slytherin. They tend to start it._

_Cut a deal with said Slytherin._

_Take away ten zillion points when said Slytherin gets into trouble._

_Send said Slytherin to Durmstrang. Problem solved for Hogwarts._

_Put said Slytherin into a different House. That would be one less 'Slytherin' in detention._

* * *

><p><strong>The Eighty-Seventh Page<strong>**in what will be an Experienced and Well-Researched Book of Spells, People, Places, Events, Potions, Hexes, Apologetic Poetry, and Various Lines: How to Keep Sirius Orion Black Out of Detention**

**Author: The subject of the paper**

**Just stop giving him detention. Problem solved.**

* * *

><p>How to keep me out of Detention<p>

By Remus Lupin

Put me in a library and tell me to keep myself busy.

Make sure it's a full moon.

Have all other Marauders in the Hospital Wing.

Make me P. O. ed at the other Marauders

Make the Marauders P. O. ed at me (actually, that won't help. Never mind)

Lock me in a room.

Give me lots of chocolate

Lace my chocolate with sleep potion

Threaten me with suspension, expulsion, or just a bad grade.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm BAAAAAACCCKKK! Sorry for the wait, I was in Kansas with no computer and two grumpy bats plus one for roommates.<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**And the flip side of last night's detention. Yes, Minnie made us do detention at three in the morning.**

* * *

><p>Detention: Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black; second years<p>

For: Falling asleep in_ every_ class

Assignment: a paper on how to get _into_ detention

* * *

><p><em>How to get an unlikable Slytherin into Detention<em>

_Snape_

_Introduce him to the Marauders_

_Introduce him to Gryffindorks_

_Introduce him to his Gryffindork brother_

_Get him to make his House-mates angry at him_

_Stalk him. Eventually he will do something._

_Have Gryffindork girls stalk him._

_Have a prefect stare at him for a while; said Slytherin will get nervous and do something to make said prefect go away._

_Lock him in a room with crazy Gryffindorks_

_Make him mad._

_Prank him._

_Convince him to go out after curfew._

_Better yet, dare/bet him to go out after curfew_

_Convince him to play Truth or Dare with Gryffindorks_

_Get him to smart off to a teacher_

_Give this paper to him._

* * *

><p><strong>The Eighty-Eighth Page Blah-Blah-Blah: A Beginner's Guide on How to get into Detention<strong>

**Sirius Black**

**You must make up annoying nicknames for the teachers, preferably a version of their first name.**

**Become an excellent prankster; be well known, so teachers always blame you for whatever it is that was done.**

**Prank Slytherins**

**Badmouth Slytherins**

**Badmouth Slytherins in Potions**

**Lock people in broom closets**

**Stalk people**

**Play Truth or Dare. A lot.**

**Go out after curfew and just walk around loudly**

**Go to McGonagall's door and sing, "I'm too Sexy."**

**Ask Flitwick if he's seen Gimli lately. (Who's Gimli, by the way?)**

**Have sibling rivalries****Have severe House rivalries.**

**Hex Snivelly. Lots and lots and lots.**

**Prank the whole school at least once a year**

**Charm teachers' stuff right before summer break. You'll have lots of detentions the following year without remembering what you did.**

**Greet McGonagall with "What's new Kitty-Cat?" Have your buddies do the chorus.**

**Kick Mrs. Norris**

**Kick Mr. Newton**

**Lock Filch in a room. Magically.**

**Introduce Cat-Gonagall to Fang.**

**Put Cat-Gonagall in a kitty kennel**

**Wear glittery makeup and disco clothes to class**

**Steal the Teacher's Notebook**

**Steal McGonagall's morning coffee**

**Stalk prefects**

**Stalk teachers**

**Take incriminating photos of teachers. Try to blackmail them. No pun intended.**

**Lock James Potter and Lily Evans in a closet together.**

**Tell someone the truth about Remus's furry little problem**

**Set Remus's rabid rabbit on someone.**

**Try to wash Snivelly's hair**

**Use your imagination…**

* * *

><p>The Best way to Get into Detention<p>

Remus Lupin

Join the Mauraders…

* * *

><p><strong>I have to give credit where credit is due, so...<strong>

**Number ten on my list is not mine, nor do I remember who came up with the idea.**

**The Teacher's Notebook was brought to my attention by a brilliant Muggle writer who says their name is alittleinsane963, so I guess they get the credit for this.**


	11. Chapter 11

Detention: Severus Snape, Sirius Black; seventh years

For: sleeping in class / attempted transfiguration of another student

Assignment: a written conversation between SS, SB, and Prof. McGonagall

* * *

><p>I am disappointed in you two. Explain yourselves.<p>

_I see no point in doing so; I'd assume it was rather obvious._

**I was bored, Professor, and you always tell us to practice whenever we can…**

That most certainly does not mean in the middle of class on an unsuspecting student!

**I Siriusly doubt that he is unsuspecting any more.**

That's not the point!

_It is to him. I pity the poor girl who catches his fancy._

Just because you have been partly turned into a cat, Mister Snape, does not mean that you get to be extra saucy.

_I am not being "extra saucy."_

Well, stop being catty.

**I can't wait until you're Professors together. It would be hilarious to watch.**

_Don't jinx me again, Black. I've had enough of your predictions._

What are you talking about?

**I either have the Sight, which I Siriusly doubt, or I'm incredibly brilliant at jinxing people's futures. Back in fourth year, when we were doing the letter campaign, I said something about his future, and later it came true, which really made him mad.**

_Indeed._

Why exactly were you sleeping in my class? Is it really that boring?

_Not at all. I don't have History of Magic today._

**Since when do you sleep during History of Magic?**

_Since some immature idiots have been keeping me awake for weeks on end._

**You can't be talking about us.**

_Did I name names? No, there's no proof that someone convinced Peeves, owls, cats, desks, and doors to rattle, bang, yowl, make noise, et cetera._

Maybe it was your housemates.

**Yeah, I don't think you're too friendly with them.**

_(line of squiggles)_

Mister Snape, just what are you doing?

_Composing myself._

**La, la, la, I'm Severus Snape, la, la, la.**

_Exceedingly witty._

Stop it, the both of you. There is nothing to gain from arguing.

**Indeed, Sevvie. We're adults now, time to put your childhood grudge behind you.**

_Practice what you preach, Padtoe._

**Padtoe? What the hell?**

No swearing, Mister Black.

**But Siriusly, Padtoe?**

_You are acting very childish._

**And you aren't?**

Boys!

_Yes Professor, that is what we are. Any other idiotically obvious remarks before we leave in thirty seconds?_

You have another detention tomorrow, and five points from Slytherin for your cheek.

_I pride myself on my sarcasm._

**We noticed. Good-bye, Snivelly.**

_Au revoir, Padtoe. Have a nice day, Professor._

* * *

><p><strong>Ah, those were the days. Guess what, peeps? I'm going back to school tomorrow. Saaaaaadddddd dddaaayyyy. Yet, at least it's not Azkaban.<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**A note from Sirius Black pertaining to this detention,**

**Ah, this assignment doesn't exactly start on this chapter. We start next and take up several chapters...21 or so. Possibly there will be more detention papers in between. I Siriusly doubt that I am a fortuneteller, but I believe that I can say with accuracy that we (the Mauraders) will get into trouble sometime in the next three weeks.**

* * *

><p>Detention: Remus Lupin, James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, Severus Snape, Lily Evans; Fifth years<p>

For: Fighting, talking back, generally irritating a teacher

Assignment: Three-week journaling assignment

* * *

><p><strong>The Random Recordings of the Pussycat's Quill<strong>

Six students are sitting in various desks after class has ended, waiting for the Pussy to deal out punishment. The four Gryffindor boys look completely at ease, if not proud of themselves. The only Slytherin in the room, a small, greasy-haired boy, seems angry at the Gryffindor boys. The Gryffindor girl looks very anxious.

Pussy: _What_ exactly pushes you six to constantly get into trouble with each other?

Specs: Well, Professor…(looks thoughtful) I really don't know, but Snivellus started it.

'Snivellus' glares at Specs, as if wanting to say something, but he holds his tongue.

Red: Severus does not start those fights! If it weren't for you always bullying him-

Mr. Cool: Oh, please, Evans. Everyone knows that Snivelly's going to be a Death Eater. Why do you even stick up for him?

Red: Because that's what friends do,_ Black_, and he's my friend, and you're not, and you're a bunch of lying BULLIES!

Pussy: Miss Evans! Please restrain yourself!

Red looks like she's about to say more, but Snivellus catches her eye and shakes his head slightly. She sighs angrily, and drops back into her desk.

Pussy: All right. Your detention is a three-week journal. (Levitates books to each student) You must write in it every day and record the day's events, as well as anything else you'd normally put into a journal. Journals will automatically come to me when they are supposed to, and I will know if you lie or don't do the day at all.

Mousy: Cool! (He had just grabbed the journal, and it now transfigured itself into a red, leather bound book with a clasp.)

Pussy: Yes, the journals will transfigure themselves to your tastes.

Instantly everyone else tries them out. Specs grabs his quickly and it turns into something akin to a Quiddich playbook. Mr. Cool's becomes a black leather bound, much like Mousy's but with no clasp. Bookworm's has become a normal book, though blank on the inside. Red has a Muggle composition notebook, with a collage of pictures on it, most of them of Snivellus and herself, sometimes her family, and a few of Hogwarts itself. Snivellus is the last to pick up his book, and he does so without any enthusiasm whatsoever. His book turns into a dark green leather bound with a clasp.

Pussy: I want details in your journals, as many as you can remember. Dismissed.

All six students leave. Pussy waits a few moments, and then goes to her desk, opens a hidden compartment, and pulls out several ginger newts that have been hidden from the Gryffindor boys' ever-prying eyes.

End Random Recording

Postscript: Pussy needs to buy some more ink.

* * *

><p>AN: Let the Detention Begin!

Yeah, short chapter. I might just leave two in one day to make you happy, but I haven't started yet, so be patient and stay with me! Or, just go away for about a half an hour after you click the 'Review' button.


	13. Chapter 13

**AH HA! Since there are six of us and the Muggle doing all of this after I dug up the assignments is about to be kicked off the computer, Day one gets to be two chapters! Review for the nice Muggle before she attacks me for continuously interrupting her typing with notes! Yahh!**

* * *

><p>Detention: RL, SB, PP, JP, SS, LE; 5th years<p>

For: Fighting, annoying teachers, and talking back

Assignment: Journal entry, day one, LE, JP, SB

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

_Dear Diary (or Professor McGonagall),_

_Well, I am writing now. Today, I went to Charms, Ancient Runes, Care of Magical Creatures, Herbology, and double Transfiguration with the Slytherins. There was nothing terribly interesting going on in those classes; business as usual, except in Transfiguration. Naturally, those _Mauraders_ had to pick on Severus, and in the middle of class, of all places! No one else ever stands up for Sev, so there was a three-on-two duel between us. Remus hadn't joined the fight until Sev knocked Potter out._

_It's not fair! Severus never did anything to them, they just had to be terrible _bullies_! The teachers aren't helping at all, either! Just because Severus got sorted into Slytherin (_which means he is CUNNING, not BLOODY EVIL, you IDIOTS!)_ does not mean that he is not still a person, with FEELINGS and DREAMS and he DEFINITELY doesn't deserve this LIVING HELL that all you god dammed people are putting him through! Even Slughorn doesn't pay all that much attention to the needs of his students; no, what he can get from them is much more important! I am ashamed of you all! Even if courage is only for a Gryffindor, surely SOMEBODY'S got the GUTS to DO SOMETHING! _

_And Potter's got the nerve to think I'll ever marry him. Well, eff that!_

_Lily Evans_

* * *

><p><strong><em>James<em>**

_**After Dinner**_

_**Hello, piece of paper. I am James Potter. I am rather handsome, with the perfect Chaser build, untidy, black hair, brown eyes, and round spectacles. I am totally in love with an amazing girl by the name of Lily Evans, and my enemy is a future Death Eater, Snivellus Snape.**_

_**My first class of the day today was Charms. I didn't really pay a whole lot of attention to the lecture, being that I already knew the spell by third year, and I did the whole swishy-flicky thing easily. Perhaps even a little too hard. I missed the target and hit Sirius instead, so there was immediately a bunch of swishy-flicky between the two of us, and we managed to lose ten points from Gryffindor and my glasses and some of Sirius's hair. The bell rang and I then went to Divination.**_

_**Divination is one of the most boring and useless and impossible to pass unless you make stuff up classes. Today we were studying the Orb (creepy awesome background music). I saw a Padfoot (which the Prof. said was 'the Grim.' Oh, so **_**scary!**_**) and a werewolf (also interpreted as the Grim) and a rat (which is supposed to mean a traitor somewhere close to you). A bunch of baloney, if you ask me, but unfortunately, nobody asked me. And Divination is better than Ancient Runes, or something like that.**_

_**After Divination was Care of Magical Creatures, which I again had with Lily. My, she's beautiful when she's angry (which is a lot of the time when she's near me. I don't know why.) Of course the Ravenclaws were all show-offy and irritating with their dictionarial minds. I think they need to spend some more time with people like Xenophilius Lovegood, who graduated a while ago. He's now got his own newspaper, Quibbler or something of the sort, and it's pretty good, aside from making absolutely no sense whatsoever.**_

_**Uhh…lunch was nice. It probably wasn't too smart to…WAIT A SECOND! I CAN'T PUT DETAILS IN THIS IF MINNIE'S GOING TO READ THIS! WE'LL GET INTO MORE TROUBLE THAN WHAT WE ALREADY DO! AH! FORGET THAT LAST SENTENCE!**_

_**Humph, that was a mean trick of yours, Minnie. I don't think I'm going to write anymore.**_

J**_ames_**

* * *

><p><strong>Sirius<strong>

**Dearest Minnie,**

**In accordance with your regulations, I shall record everything that I can possibly remember with a clear conscience.**

**The first thing that happened today was that I woke up. Actually, Remus woke me up and I socked him with a pillow, which made him fall back onto James, who threw a pillow at me but missed and hit Peter, and there was a pillow fight. Some seventh year came and pounded on our door, yelling, "Would you SHUT UP? **_**SOME**_** of us are trying to SLEEP here!" so we stopped. I got into the bathroom first and took a shower and brushed my teeth. By the time that I started on my hair, all the other guys were yelling at me to hurry up and so I told them to shut up and made sure the door was locked. To make sure that they didn't kill me, I went out a different way than I came in.**

**So, by the time the guys got downstairs, I was already halfway through my breakfast, and I was working on my Charms essay, which was due in about thirty minutes by the time I started it. Didn't matter, I still knew the stuff and finished easily. Then we had to go to the actual class, and I had an irritating song stuck in my head…A Muggle song…and so I missed most of the lecture because I started banging my head on the desk…that could be because James 'Charmed' me. So, I 'charmed him right back, and we had an impromptu duel…not that I can remember much of it.**

**Oh, Crap! I forgot! I have detention! Write later!**

* * *

><p>AN: Well, I am about to be Monster Mashed away from the computer! Maybe I'll be able to get the next half up by tomorrow. Which is FRIDAY, THANK PADFOOT!

Actually, don't thank Padfoot, he's being annoying.


	14. Chapter 14

Detention: JP, LE, SB, RL, PP, SS; 5th years

For: Fighting, annoying teachers, and talking back

Assignment: Journal entry, day one; SB, SS, RL PP

* * *

><p><strong>LATER…<strong>

**Okay, back from detention. Wow, we haven't even passed charms yet.**

**After Charms, I had Divination with James and Peter. We're doing crystal balls, and James was 'trying' to 'see,' mostly just messing around, said he saw a Padfoot, a werewolf, and a rat (guess who!) which the Prof. interpreted as signs of death and traitors. She's really annoying. Uh…then it was my turn, and all I saw was James's big face in the reflection, and it was kind of distorted, so I told him that he was going make Lily mad tomorrow and she was going to hex his face. James looked all depressed when I said that, but apparently Alice Fortescue heard me, because she smirked in one of those I-can't-wait-to-tell-Lily ways. We used to date, but the typically reserved Gryffindor ended that with a slap to the face (literally). She's going out with Frank Longbottom now.**

**Next, Care of Magical Creatures, which all four of us Marauders have. Today was all theory, no actual creatures involved, since we can't exactly bring dragons into the Hogwarts grounds for a bunch of fifth years to play with. This was a double class with the Ravenclaws, who were being excessively studious and irritating today, but I think that's because Gryffindor just beat Ravenclaw at Quiddich, so they were trying to prove that they were still better than us in some way. Humph.**

**Lunch was…fairly interesting, to say the least. Someone set off a bunch of crackers, as if it were Halloween or Christmas. They also convinced a rain cloud to hang above the Slytherin table, whose inhabitants quickly fled. All except Snape, who sat there eating his food calmly. He's not all there, I'll tell you. He might have been sane at the beginning, but I think he's lost his determination to stay that way.**

**After lunch was Herbology, which was business as usual, now that we're handling some of the relatively dangerous stuff. A kid gets sent to the Hospital wing almost every class period. I don't particularly like Herbology, never really had a green thumb.**

**Next was double Transfiguration, with you, Minnie! We were waiting outside and Snape was still looking slightly wet, which I thought was an improvement from his usual greasy self. Then we went in…and you know the rest, as you were teaching it.**

**After your little assignment giving, I came up to write in this journal, along with James, but I had detention with Filch, cleaning suits of armor. I just barely got there on time, thank God, cause he was Not. Happy. Apparently someone had tried to flush Mr. Newton down Moaning Myrtle's toilet, and the cat was now in the Hospital wing. Filch was in a right temper, let me tell you.**

**Then I came back up to the dorm, and finished writing in this journal. Now I will brush my teeth and go to bed, only to repeat the process in the morning. **

**Goodnight Minnie!**

**Sirius**

* * *

><p><em>Snape <em>

_The Journal of Severus Snape_

_Day one_

"_Your detention is a three-week journal. You must write in it every day and record the day's events, as well as anything else you'd normally put into a journal. Journals will automatically come to me when they are supposed to, and I will know if you lie or don't do the day at all. I want as many details as you can remember." –Professor McGonagall_

_I am Severus Snape. I have black hair that most people assume is greasy, though it is not, black eyes, rather sallow skin, and usually something that ordinary people do not, due to the many hexes, jinxes, and curses I acquire in a day. Most people do not like me, yet they cannot give any other reason than the fact that 'I exist.' I have a phonographic/photographic memory, which is a very good memory indeed._

_This morning I woke to Regulus Black yelling at me. As I was half-asleep at the time, I don't recall exactly what he said, but he is at times more annoying than his brother, which says a lot. As a typical Slytherin, he uses all things to his advantage as much as he can, so I know that he mainly befriended me as a shield from his brother's wrath. Anyway, he woke me up, much like this:_

"_Snape! Snape! Severus, wake up!"_

"_Go away," I told him, and rolled so that I was not facing him. He continued to pester me until I finally threw a pillow at him and told him to either state his business or leave me alone._

"_Halloween Ball's coming up, and I'm old enough to go!" he practically shouted._

_I muttered some rather choice words at his decision to wake me up for something as trivial as a dance, then at his girl-craziness, which is almost the same as his brother. The only difference is that he doesn't go through them at a two-per-week pace._

"_Who should I ask to the dance?" He started to ramble on about girls and Black expectations and things that I remember clearly but have no desire to write about here, as I have already been writing all day in classes._

_I finally told him to ask Raymond Goyle, as he was surely more experienced than I was. The younger Black ran off and I got ready for the day. Yes, that _did_ include a shower. With shampoo, even._

_The day started with DADA, and our current teacher who knows much but none of that about teaching. Normal class, with me deciding that it would simply be better to practice and read on my own. After DADA was Ancient Runes, with Lupin and Lily in the class with me. I find it amazing that even in a class about chiseled marks in some old rocks, our teacher can still find a way to teach us some housework, in this case, sewing. We had to embroider some of the runes onto a piece of cloth to 'make a quilt of protection.'_

_Then I had a free period, followed by lunch. There was a bunch of noise and explosions from Gryffindor's table, but as it is a common experience, I did not pay much attention until it started raining on me. Even then, it was not much of a distraction._

_Another free period spent mostly trying to stay away from various Blacks, and Transfiguration. I'd hoped that this would be a quiet period, as the Marauders are Gryffindors and Transfiguration is taught by their head of house, but no such luck. The gits started to hex me, and I hexed back, starting a two-on-one duel, which became three-on-two, with Potter, Black and Pettigrew against me and Lily. Apparently I knocked Potter unconscious, as Lupin joined the fight. Professor McGonagall saw fit to interrupt the duel at that time, and after class we were assigned this journaling task, which I have now completed day one of._

* * *

><p>Remus<p>

Day: One

Time: Six p.m.

Location: Gryffindor Common Room

Disclaimer: You told us to write everything we remember, so if there is a case of too much info, it is completely your fault.

I woke up about five this morning and found that I was actually quite bored. Usually I'll have some homework to finish because of interrupted study plans, but today I had nothing to do, and even all of the books under my bed had been read. Deciding not to wake the others up at what they believe is an "ungodly hour of the morning," I took a shower and got dressed. I spent about an hour working on the SNASIWNBUMKO (If you want to know, ask Sirius. He named it) before deciding that it was really too SNAS to do any more alone, and I tried to wake Paddy up. He whomped me with a pillow (and he is a Beater, and he has very firm pillows, so getting hit by him with a pillow is something akin to being hit by the Whomping Willow. Hey, it rhymed!) and I fell back onto James, which is kind of like falling onto a collection of very pointy rocks. Of course, he already knows what's going on, always does, so he throws a pillow back at Sirius, only he misses (very rare for a Chaser like him) and hits Peter. Chaos ensues.

After about ten minutes, some seventh year comes and pounds on our door, yelling, "WOULD YOU SHUT UP? _SOME _OF US ARE TRYING TO _SLEEP_ HERE!" I almost told him that we were part of the wake up committee, but James smacked me in the face with a pillow at that moment, so we whacked each other for a few minutes more before stopping. Then Sirius went into the bathroom for about another hour and somehow snuck out without unlocking the door, because I found him at the breakfast table after it got boring watching the other two shout. He was working on his Charms essay, which was due in about fifteen minutes by the time he wrote the last sentence. I checked it over as we ran to class, there was nothing wrong except some spelling, and even that was rare.

Charms class, we were learning about silencing and enhancing voices. James had not been listening and thought we were doing a different spell, so he missed the radio and hit Sirius, who started banging his head on the desk. I 'finite incantum' -ed the spell, and Sirius jumped up and started a duel with James, which happens a lot. Sirius Vanished James's glasses (they later turned up in Peter's trunk) and James burned some of Sirius's hair (due to lack of visibility) and we lost about ten points from Gryffindor.

Onto Ancient Runes. Today we were studying 'eihwaz,' the rune of defense. Then the professor gave us each a square of cloth to make a quilt of protection. We had to embroider runes into the cloth, along with any 'protection designs' we knew of. This was not the strangest part of the class; no, that would have to be the fact that Snape could sew. _Really well._ It. Was. Totally. Weird.

The next thing was Care of Magical Creatures, which all four Marauders have. We are currently studying dragons, but it's all bookwork, as we can't actually have a dragon on the school grounds. It was a double class with the Ravenclaws, who were trying to prove that they were better than Gryffindor (they were still smarting from the Quiddich loss). James and Sirius were writing in the NOPFPOSAROS (again, ask Sirius) while the teacher wasn't looking. I was reading over their shoulders and reading the book in alternate seconds (hmm…probably shouldn't have written that).

After COMC we had lunch. It was pretty normal, except for the rain over at Slytherin's table. Then was Herbology, where we were repotting fanged geraniums. James was bitten and fainted; he never really liked the sight of his own blood. We woke him up after a simple _Episkey_, and he was fine. Then we had Transfiguration, and you know what happened there. Just to make things clear, I didn't do anything until Snape knocked James out. We waited for your assignment, and I went to dinner (the other three had other detentions) and now I am writing in this journal in the Common Room, pretending to do homework. I have a question: Won't it be boring to read six versions of the same thing?

* * *

><p><span>Peter<span>

Well, I don't remember all that much of today. Nothing really before Transfiguration. But in Transfiguration, I remember that Sirius decided that the lecture was boring. He looked around for something to do, and he saw Snivellus taking notes like a Ravenclaw. He flicked his wand and muttered a spell that was supposed to give Snivellus a shock. It sure did; the greasy git jumped about two feet before hexing back. Soon it was a three-on-two duel, me James and Sirius against Evans and Snivellus. Remus jumped in after Snivellus basically stupefied James and we all got a journaling assignment for our detention. Fun, fun.

* * *

><p><strong>Sirius Note: Remember Remus's entry? Feel free to ask!<strong>

A/N: Sorry it took so long! It was the longest chapter I think I've ever written ever!

Did I do alright on Peter? It seems a little OOC.

Please review! Especially if you want to know what SNASIWNBUMKO and NOPFPOSAROS are! Padfoot won't let me write their actual names on the story, so I'll have to PM you, but I can't do that if I don't know who you are!

Have a nice day!

Ellethwen


	15. Chapter 15

**A Note from Sirius**

**This whole journal thing is the only thing that will be in chronological order in this collection, so that will include all of the detentions in between journals. Hence, this is the second day of our journaling assignment. Also during this time, I believe Lily shows up more, because apparently writing gives her a shorter fuse...or maybe it just fans the flames.**

* * *

><p>Detention: Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, James Potter, and Sirius Black; 5th years<p>

For: the usual

Assignment: Written conversation with Professor McGonagall about character traits

* * *

><p>-Minnie-<p>

Remus

* * *

><p>-Now, I'll assume that you all now have your papers. I would like you to test them out. Write something. –<p>

**This will now be classified as a SBOATHANUETITWISOTL.**

Why are we all in different rooms?

_I'd assume that was because we apparently have no self-control when in close proximity of each other._

_**Oh, shut up Snivellus. Why don't you go whine in your diary?**_

If you two start an argument, I will eat you both.

_**Just bite me already, and get it over with.**_

-All right, it works. Who can tell me what character is? –

**A person in a story.**

-Yes, but wrong answer. –

A symbol?

-Right, but wrong. –

_Ethical quality._

-Correct. –

Er…explanation, please?

_The difference between a bully and a friend is that the friend has character._

Oh.

So why are we talking about this?

-I want to know if you know what the character traits are. –

**Character traits?**

-What qualities give someone good character? –

**Oh, um…Friendliness? Knowing the difference between right and wrong?**

_No to the first one, and the second one is called integrity._

**And how would you know this, Snivellus?**

_There's also kindness and speak with good purpose._

Along with Respect and Responsibility and Cooperation, all of which I think we excel in.

_Well, there's no doubt when it comes to cooperation._

**Hey! We're respectful and responsible!**

_Responsible enough to keep everyone from danger?_

**Yes.**

_Really? Does your brain need glasses, as well as your eyes?_

-Mister Snape, that was uncalled for. –

_Whatever you say, Professor. And respect? Somebody get a dictionary._

Respect: 1. to feel or show honor or esteem for; consider or treat with deference or courtesy. 2. to show consideration for; avoid intruding upon or molesting: as, _respect_ his privacy. 3. to concern; relate to. 4. a feeling of deference, honor, or esteem: as, lawyers have great _respect_ for him.

**What's a lawyer?**

-Not relevant, Black. –

5. A state of being held in honor or esteem: as, he died without the _respect_ of his countrymen. 6. Consideration; courteous regard: as, one must have _respect_ for the feelings of others…there's the relevant stuff.

_**We do that.**_

I_'ve never seen it. Not with Lily, not with the Slytherins, and not with the teachers._

_**We respect the teachers!**_

_No, you don't._

_**How do we not?**_

_The nicknames Minnie and Flicky come to mind…_

**We're getting off topic.**

**_…_**

…

…

**WHAT?**

**_You just told us that we were getting off topic_.**

**We're still off topic; we're talking about being off topic.**

We'll be talking about this later. So, so far we have respect, responsibility, cooperation, kindness, integrity, and speak with good purpose. What else?

-You five…amaze me. –

**Thank you, but we're trying to stay on topic.**

_Citizenship, Honesty, Self-Discipline, Perseverance, Ownership, Commitment, Flexibility, Balance in Life, Courage, Diligence, Ambition, anything else?_

_**Yes, **_**how exactly**_** do you know these things?**_

Hey, the houses are based on character traits: Gryffindor is Courage, Hufflepuff is diligence, Ravenclaw is commitment and probably balance, and Slytherin is ambition.

_Thank you, Sherlock._

**His name is REMUS!**

_Idiot._

_**Speak with Good Purpose, Snivellus.**_

_Hypocrite._

-You're detention time is up. You're free to leave now, and make sure you write in your journals. Please try to remember at least a few of the character traits. –

_Duly noted._

**I. Can't. Wait. To see you two as colleagues.**

_Shut up, Black._

**Minnie and Snivellus, sitting in the Willow—**

-SIRIUS ORION BLACK!-

What were you going to rhyme it with?

**Pillow.**

Ah. Well, goodbye Minnie.

* * *

><p>Marauders. Can't live with them, can't live without them. My two favorite characters? Padtoe and Snivellus. Oh, and Lady of Witty might be the only one who understands this, but no, Remmy still hasn't warmed up to our favorite Marauder. And she's not named after the werewolf, really.<p> 


	16. Chapter 16

**A note from Sirius:**

**This chapter is fairly depressing/rant/worry as far as the journals go. Feel free to skip all but the middle part. And no, that's not my journal entry of the day.**

Detention: SS, PP, SB, JP, LE, RL; 5th years.

For: Second verse, same as the first

Assignment: SS, RL, LE, journal, day two

* * *

><p><em><span>The Journal of Severus Snape<span>_

_In life there is prosperity_

_But in death there is tranquility_

_In light there is peace_

_But in darkness, grief will cease_

_The path on the right will bring great hope_

_But with the left you can learn to cope_

_Or go straight through the middle, into the gray_

_Away, my child! Stay away from the fray!_

_I really don't care enough to write anything down, and I'm sure you'll read everyone else's story, so let's pretend I was hit with Obliviate and I can't remember anything that occurred today._

* * *

><p><strong>Sirius's Journal<strong>

**Sirius**

Remus

_**James**_

Peter

_**You realize that we are going to have to rip this page out, right? Or Minnie will know that we were passing notes?**_

**Yeah, yeah. Forgive me for not bringing paper to a class that's supposed to be interactive.**

Maybe we went a little overboard on the last prank, guys.

**_What are you talking about, Moony? It was perfect!_**

Did you see how Snape looked?

Yeah, every time he looked at us, he turned red and green. Christmassy, except gross.

That's not what I meant.

**Lighten up, Moony. The greasy git deserves whatever we throw at him.**

Oh, _everything?_

**Must you keep bringing that up? I wasn't thinking! I regret it! Really!**

I'm back to paying attention. None of you are taking notes, and the Kettle said that this stuff would be on OWLs.

**Bah, Remus worries too much about unimportant things.**

**_True that!_**

I dunno, OWLs are rather important.

**We weren't talking about the OWLs, though the same case could be made there.**

Oh, right. Well, I suppose I'll humor the wolf, and at least pretend to pay attention to Kettle.

**Bah. They both worry too much about unimportant things.**

**_Sirius! Get rid of this, NOW!_**

* * *

><p>Remus<p>

Day: two

Time: late

Location: bed

Disclaimer: none

Potions/Dueling/Lunch/Free/DADA

Well, I don't think that I'll go into as much detail as I did yesterday. The morning was basically the same, except we all woke up later and Sirius was helping with NOPFPOSAROS instead of me working on SNASIWBUMKO by myself. No seventh year came and yelled at us, but Lily came to tell us that if we didn't get our…uh, bums…in gear, we were going to miss Potions. So, we followed the nice girl's orders.

I hate Potions. A lot. I couldn't brew an antidote if my life depended on it. And today I was paired with none other than the sarcastic king of Potions himself. He will barely acknowledge my presence, after…well, you know. I chopped what he let me, and he made the potion. Not to say I don't like getting a good grade, but sitting nervously next to a perfectionist in a dungeon when the perfectionist seems to _really_ not be having a nice day…I think it's more terrifying than the full moon.

Next class was Dueling. Pretty basic, knock-yourself-out dueling class. Then lunch. Snape left in a hurry and we naturally followed him. It's become habit over the years. James cast a little spell on him that we just learned from one of our trips to the library. It's supposed to show what the other person is feeling, by making them change colors. So, fear is yellow, red is angry, so on and so forth. Whenever he looked at us, his colors changed to red and green, anger and illness. He stayed far away from Lily today, as far as I know. Guess he didn't want to bare his soul to her. Perfectly fine with James, of course.

We had a free period, which was spent on various activities, and then we had DADA. What's really messed up is that we had it with the Slytherins. Two classes with the Slytherins. In one day. Whoever thought of this scheduling should be fired.

Anyway, Snape looked positively _awful_. He was green and gray and black and orange, and he barely made it four minutes into class when he left, calmly as he could while he was in the classroom, but I could hear him dash away. He didn't even take his stuff, but Lily made sure that we didn't do anything with it. I felt bad about it, and tried to tell the others, but they didn't listen. Of course not. This is Snivellus we're talking about.

So, we had dinner, and I noticed that Snape wasn't there, but I didn't really wonder about it. Now I am. I'm almost thinking of sneaking up to the Hospital Wing to check, since Lily certainly won't say anything. Ah, well, goodnight!

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

_This is me, trying not to strangle my study partner_

_This is me, trying not to hex Potter's ears off_

_This is me, who am unable to even try to rhyme_

_This is me, who is writing a stupid line poem in order to try and get myself under a tiny bit of control_

_This is me, utterly failing_

_I AM GOING TO KILL POTTER, I SWEAR IT! HE IS GOING TO GO TOO FAR ONE OF THESE DAYS, AND SEVERUS WILL BE IN A LOT WORSE OF A STATE THAN WHAT HE IS NOW, AND I AM GOING TO ABSOLUTELY _DESTROY_ POTTER!_

_Okay, I think I'm okay now. I just burnt my pillow to a crisp. I burnt a couple of quills too. Now one of my old essays is on fire, and I really couldn't care less. My dad always said that temper came with the hair, and I guess he's right. Those boys just make me so angry, torturing my friend the way they do. WHY DOESN'T DUMBLEDORE DO SOMETHING? IS HE SO PREJUDICED AS TO IGNORE THIS? AND YOU WONDER WHY SLYTHERIN'S GOT THE MAJORITY OF DEATH EATERS? REALLY, PEOPLE?_

_Grr, I need to stop this. I love my house, I love my house, I love my house, I love my house…I give up._

_All right. Idiots the Four cursed Snape. I'm not exactly what they did, but when I saw Severus he was changing colors, from green to pink to black to blue, and he basically ran away when I saw him. He NEVER runs away from me, EVER. So now I am trying very hard not to strangle poor Alice. I highly doubt that she would appreciate it._

_Actually, I'm starting to think that my friends are getting annoyed with me, although I'm not sure exactly why. As soon as I start glaring at our other year mates, they come up with excuses on why they have to leave, and so I guess that's another reason I'm starting to flare up so quickly. I hate not knowing what's going on. I try not to gossip or spy, and I don't pass on certain things to others, but I like to know what's going on in my life._

_If you'll excuse me, I have a few idiots to kill._

* * *

><p>Ah, death threats.<p>

Lady of the Witty, the pups have made a pact. I'm not quite sure what was said, sounded like a bunch of whimpers and tail wags, but they are getting along. When Pad's a dog, that is.


	17. Chapter 17

**A Sirius Note**

**Well, the author says that she is sorry that she couldn't get this up sooner. A muse of hers just died recently and she was attending a funeral and trying to find a new muse. She is feeling better now but the new muse is finding it hard to settle into the new role, so it is likely that all stories will be going slow on the update while the two get acquainted.**

* * *

><p>Detention: SS, PP, JP, SB, RL, LE<p>

For: Second verse, same as the first

Assignment: PP, JP, SB, journal, day 2

* * *

><p><span>Peter's Journal<span>

Today we had Dueling with Flitwick. I still can't get Tarantallegra to work. Even with Remus helping it's still _so_ hard. I don't know how I'll ever win a duel to save my life. I can't even knock someone else's wand out of their hand without losing my own.

I wonder sometimes why I'm a Marauder. I'm not great or powerful or cool like the others. I'm just me. I don't get the jokes half the time and James always teases me about everything. I know he means it in humor, but I just don't think it's funny. Yet, I'm still too afraid to say anything about it. How did I ever wind up in Gryffindor? I'm such a coward; I should have been a Slytherin. Or a Hufflepuff. I'm a duffer anyway.

* * *

><p><strong><em>The Life of James<em>**

_**Okay, first of all, I'd like to both kill and congratulate the person who gave us two classes with the Slytherins today. That is all.**_

_**Okay, the fun stuff. Um…there was dueling, and guess who was my partner? If you said Sirius, Professor, you are correct! He caused birds to fly at me with the spell Avis! Then, the stupid things wouldn't leave me alone until I conjured some flying mousetraps that attacked Sirius and made him lose concentration so the birds disappeared. Unfortunately, my flying mousetraps ran amok and attacked everyone. Fortunately, the class was let out early and I didn't get a detention for that.**_

_**Then there was lunch. I saw Snivellus leave the lunchroom early, looking pretty upset. Since Remmy is being an awful tattletale (I was reading his journal a while ago) I guess I can tell you what happened, cause you already know. We followed him and jinxed him. Then Remmy was all mad because he thinks that was a little overboard. I simply disagree. The git deserves whatever we give.**_

_**Snape left in the middle of DADA. I don't know why.**_

_**We hatched a plan, Minnie. We hatched a plan today. Just trust me when I say you want to carry a pillow around on Friday.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Sirius's Journal<strong>

**It's starting to look a lot like Halloween, Professor. Hope you've got a date for the dance, 'cause if you don't, I get the feeling that Mon Sewer Slughorn is gonna ask, and I know how much you hate him. **

**How come Muggles don't have any Halloween music? It's really dumb. I think, that I should join a Muggle band that makes Halloween music. I like Halloween music, but I bet James that I would only intentionally listen to Muggle music for the rest of the year and into the summer, but they don't have any Halloween music, so I'm not sure if I can stick to the bet! You gotta help me out, Minnie!**

**Oh, yeah, we should hold a contest of Charades in the Great Hall this weekend. See, what you do is get everyone in the school to divide up in pairs. All the pairs must have people from different houses, as long as I don't get Snivellus. People take turns acting something out until their partner can't guess what it is. Then, that partner is out! The winner then finds another partner and this continues until there is only one person left! Also, teachers get to do it too! Time for a little game magic…**

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry, don't kill me. Almost Genius, I apologize. I don't do fluff very well. Hopefully Sirius can dig some up, but really, it's not going to happen for a while. I apologize.

Who wants this to be updated faster? Send a review something along the lines of, "You'd better get your keyboard in gear, Celt! We're waiting impatiently!" Yours can be nicer or worse, but it's nice to have friendly reminders of the people I'm writing to.


	18. Chapter 18

**A Very Sirius Note:**

**Guess what I found! And it didn't even take that long! Ah, I remember this event particularly well. Creevy especially was hilarious. Too bad we couldn't get more kids to do that. Ah well.**

**Don't expect to see the Howlers. Even if they hadn't burned up, they are still far too painful for me to hardly even mention.**

* * *

><p>Detention: James Potter, Sirius and Regulus Black<p>

For: Trying to determine who could grip onto the Whomping Willow the longest

Assignment: A paper on just _why_ that is one of the most idiotic ideas on the planet

* * *

><p><em><strong>Why I Should Not Take a Ride on the Whomping Willow or Convince Younger Students to do the Same<strong>_

_**By James Potter**_

_**1. Younger students are not as strong as I am, so, as you so loudly pointed out Minnie, they would probably be flung from the Willow (Which, actually, is hilarious to watch-OUCH! PADFOOT YOU IDIOT!)**_

_**2. Younger students are smaller than I am, which means that they are more likely to sustain more terrible injuries. Madam Pomfrey might run out of Skele-Gro (which wouldn't be too bad. That stuff's nasty).**_

_**3. Padfoot is an idiot, and is more likely to do stupid things than I am. Therefore, as his elder by two days, it is my responsibility to protect-DAMMIT PADFOOT STOP POKING M#E!**_

_**4. Some students might have the brilliant idea of following our flying examples.**_

_**5. When the student lands from being flung, their wand has a very good probability of snapping in half, or at least, being stuck somewhere painful**_

_**6. Chancing fate with the Whomping Willow tends to get you into detention**_

_**7. Because I am afraid of Wallaburga Black, and I know how loud she yells when Reg's in trouble.**_

_**8. Because Moony said so**_

_**9. Because when you have to go and see the Headmaster, he gives you that look that makes you feel about one inch tall. I really hate that look**_

_**10. Now for an even ten; if you turn the Whomping Willow into an amusement ride, then you can no longer sing "So-and-so and so-and-so, sitting in the Willow" when you know their in a disastrous relationship.**_

* * *

><p>Why I Should Never Listen to my Brother or His Idiotic Friends<p>

Regulus Black

It is definitely not smart to listen to Gryffindors, my brother and his friends especially. However, I must say that it is mostly not my fault; it is Sirius's, because he can always get me to do anything, even if I know that it's really not a good idea. That's the Black charm showing through there.

Anyway, I should Never listen to Sirius or Potter because their idiotic ideas are likely to get me Siriusly (damn, did I just use that joke?) injured or killed. Also, Mum will be absolutely awful once she gets wind of this. Howlers to deafen everyone in the Great Hall will follow shortly. I'd never wish that on anyone, not even…well, except maybe You-Know-Who.

Actually, that would be pretty funny to watch. Perhaps when I'm dead, I'll be able to hear her, "HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU, YOU (insert many superbly inappropriate and detention worthy comments here) DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, OL' VOLDIE?

* * *

><p><strong>The Who-Knows-What-Number Page etc.<strong>

**A list of reasons as to why you want the students to stay away from the Whomping Willow, not hug it for dear life**

**By Sirius Black**

**1. Encouraging people to mess around with the Willow is, I quote, "So BLOODY DANGEROUS, THAT I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF DUMBLEDORE EXPELLED YOU THIS TIME!"**

**2. Tree hugging is for Muggles, anyway**

**3. Technically, you're not supposed to enjoy watching first years sail off into the distance**

**4. Your best-friend-who's-a-prefect will not only give you detention, but will also give you crap about it for the rest of your life**

**5. Because sadly, volunteers just aren't as funny as…ehem, others.**

**6. Moony's furry little problem**

**7.** "**FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING, AND NOT JUST TRY TO BREAK YOUR DETENTION RECORD!"**

**8. My mother is terrifying, especially when she has more than one Howler. I pity the owl.**

**9. Most people don't think of removing their wands before Willow-hugging _*cough*James*cough*_**

**10. And finally, you have a lot of people who yell at you a lot for a lot of minutes and a lot of hours and a lot of days. Also, the Slytherins' looks, some more so than others_ *cough*Snivellus*cough*_, are just **_**unbearable.**_** They just make you want to—get into more detention.**

* * *

><p>AN: Well, that was fun. Sooner than I expected, but then again, my new muse doesn't have much to do in this story. It's a very Sirius story, you know, not much for a light-genre muse to do here.

Reviews, strangely enough, seem to give me much inspiration. So does, "Get that Keyboard in gear!" I thank you, Lady of the Witty Remarks, therefore, for jump starting the keys.

And also Almost Genius, for that boost of confidence.

And RoMythe, who I hope passed the test.

And all of the readers. I love the readers.

Ellethwen


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Okay, I was going to have a half-and-half like I usually do, but I finished this and I just couldn't continue with Remus and Peter. So, here is the next chapter. I think that Lily really did start liking James long before seventh year, she's just afraid to admit it to herself. And yes, I also think Severus knows.

* * *

><p>Detention: SS, LE, JP, SB, RL, PP<p>

For: Same as yesterday

Assignment: journal, day three, LE

* * *

><p><em>Lily's Journal<em>

_**Morning Evans.**_

_Potter, just _what_ are you doing, writing in my journal._

_**Um…writing in your journal.**_

_What, no cute excuses?_

_**You told me honesty was the best policy, didn't you?**_

_Well…yes._

_**Then there's no problem.**_

_There most certainly is a problem! You're writing in my journal!_

_**Well…we could write on your essay instead. I whisper far too loudly to speak in the library.**_

**Why, hello, little love birds. **

_**Go**_

_Away_

_**Sirius.**_

**Fine, fine.**

**_Okay, how about we make this note passing into something that could pass for a journal entry._**

_And how would you do that?_

_**Just answer my questions. How are you feeling today?**_

_Frustrated, angry, and generally redheaded._

_**Really? Why?**_

_In case you haven't noticed, there are OWL's coming up! I'm spending basically all my time studying, and even then I can barely complete my homework on time! It's driving me crazy, and to add to that…_

_**What, Lily?**_

_Nothing. It's just that all the stress is making it hard on my friendships._

_**Would that include a friendship with-**_

_Severus? Yes, it does, and if you even think of insulting him I will hex you, whether this is the library or not!_

**_Er, actually, I was going to ask if it was Alice._**

_Oh…sorry._

**_So, why are things so bad? It's just homework, if you didn't do any of it but still got Os on the tests, you still go up._**

_Oh, dammit Potter, it's not the homework._

_**Then what is it?**_

_It's…it's Severus. I don't think we're going to hold up. I mean—well, it's just…his friends!_

**_That's rather harsh, Lily. Alice has friends you don't like, and you seem to be getting along fine._**

_Well, her friends aren't Death Eaters in training!_

**_Hey, hey, I agree with you, it's just rather…surprising._**

_I think they're influencing him, trying to get him to go to the other side. He's—he's got a darker sense of humor lately, just…I mean, like curses. Like evil stuff is funny. _

**_Um…I really don't know what to say to you._**

_Just be truthful. Do you think he's going to end up as a Death Eater?_

_**I believe it's possible.**_

(At this point Lily runs out of the room, leaving everything. James sighs sadly and begins to pick up her stuff.)

* * *

><p><strong>So, obviously you can tell that these poor lunatics have serious (not Sirius) relationship problems. If they had actually tried to be Sirius about it, I'd bet they'd have gotten together a lot sooner, even with Snivellus around.<strong>

**Well, I'd bet that you can expect the rest of day 3's entries in a short time. Now I'm off to make fun of Dingus Adogg, the new muse. Hmph, found him in a phone book. How pathetic!**

**Sincerely Sirius**


	20. Chapter 20

**A Sirius Note**

**The author is happy to say that she has _finally_ updated and now presents this to you. She is happy with her new muse and is currently Carmilla. In just a few hours she will be a faint imitation of the Whomping Willow but that is beside the point.**

**Here is the journals. Don't be too disappointed. The stupid muse was trying to interfere.**

Detention: SS, LE, PP, RL, SB, JP

For: Same

Assignment: journal, day three, RL, SB

* * *

><p>Remus<p>

Day: three

Time: 11:04 pm

Location: Gryffindor Common Room

Disclaimer: I didn't do it.

All the classes were from the point of view of a werewolf in a state of distraction, so I really can't tell you much. Between the full moon and all the classes I'm taking, I've been under a helluva mount of stress. I'm thinking that Sirius slipped some Calming Draught into my drink this morning and overdosed a bit. I'm only just returning to my state of chaos.

This journaling is rather therapeutic. Just saying.

So, I knew that Lily was in the library and that was where I sent James when he asked. About five minutes later she comes back in tears and rushes up to her room. Five minutes after that James comes up carrying her things. He's also down, but kind of angry too. He asked Alice to bring Lily's things up to her, and when she told him to do it himself, he snapped. It escalated to a shouting match. I felt bad not stepping in, but if I had, I knew it would just last longer. Instead, I went up to see if Lily was all right. Being a prefect, the stairs do not collapse on me, because we are supposed to be responsible enough to go into girls' rooms without incident.

Lily, poor girl, was a wreck. Like the big brother she's practically adopted me as, I held her and comforted her, and she told me about her issues with Snape and her girl friends. How she felt that they were all abandoning her at the time that she needed them the most. She cried herself out and I gave her a sleeping potion that I had (conveniently) on me. James knows me so well.

I went back downstairs. I could hear the shouting, but there were more voices now. Debbie Weasley and Maria Smith had joined in on Alice's side; Sirius and Peter with James. I put a silencing spell on all of them except James and Alice. Then I think I scared them.

"What the _bloody hell_ is going on here?" I asked them, quietly but still with discernible anger. They both opened their mouths and I said, "Alice, first."

She was about to say something angry but I glared at her. She shrank back and said, "This idiot claims that I'm a two-faced _bitch_ who can't stick to her friends' sides. Apparently, I'm not being a friend to Lily just because she annoys me sometimes and I walk away so I don't start a fight."

"James," I said.

He swallowed hard, but he knew how to handle me. "I met Lily in the library, you know that." I nodded. "She was upset, and I talked to her. She's utterly stressed out, not only from OWLs, but also because when she gets a little temper-" he glared at Alice. "Her _friends_ in Gryffindor walk away. Apparently, they just can't handle having a redhead in a redhead state of action. The only person who can get to her and make her feel like she has a friend who understands her is _you_, Remus, and that's saying something." He stopped and glared again, this time at all the girls, and at Sirius and Peter, then at me as if he dared us to challenge him."

"Do you need to punch someone?" I asked quietly. He nodded, and hit me as hard as he could. It stung a bit, but not much more. It's near the full moon, and the wolf is growing. Alice gasped, but James ignored her.

"Now that you're in a more rational state…"

"I'm not taking back anything I said," James said fiercely.

"If you didn't realize, I have just talked to Lily," I said calmly. The girls looked away. "She is under a lot of stress. Between her issues with Snape's friends, my friends, and her friends, not to mention all the work that we still have to do and _should_ have been doing instead of arguing-" I looked pointedly at the silenced housemates. "-I'm surprised she isn't constantly using Calming Draughts." At this my three roommates looked at each other, so I am sure they slipped me one, which is why I was just pissed instead of yelling with the rest of them.

"I'd think that, since she obviously has the most problems of all of you-do not question, do not interrupt! She obviously has the most problems, and since you _are_ her friends, and since Snape is utterly hopeless when it comes to emotions, it clearly falls under your jurisdiction to make sure that Lily has support through this, not just a bunch of walk-aways. We-" I motioned at the four of us. "-are _constantly_ arguing with ourselves and everyone else, but we still stick together through thick and thin, and I think that perhaps you girls should figure out how to do the same."

I flicked my wand, grabbed my books, and walked up the stairs to my room. Even though I had taken the spell off, the common room was dead quiet. I was beyond caring, and continued to do my homework until all the anger I had was transferred into my thin, angry slashes. It came back as I was writing this, and I'm silently fuming. So I will change the subject.

I have noticed that my handwriting is beginning to change. Instead of the small, shy letters I used to print, I'm now writing larger and slashier. I suppose that it's because I'm so angry as of late. There's been so much anti-werewolf legislation lately, and there's the social life of everyone, the rumors and all that other ruddy stuff. Not to mention the wolf, which is always angry. I've noticed that the transformations and the morning injuries have been worse lately, too, making me stay in the H. Wing longer.

My hand has cramped up. I will stop writing now. Good morning, it is now midnight!

* * *

><p><strong>Sirius's Journal<strong>

**Hello, my dear Minnie,**

**Yes, I know that today is technically day four, but this is my day three entry because I just finished my homework. What, Black is doing his homework? You ask. Well, I just do it for Remus, so he feels like he is not the only one who wants good grades.**

**Well, Rem told you about the fight, I'm assuming you already read Lily's entry, so I guess I'll tell you the rest. **

**We were NOFPOSAROS-ing and James had this brilliant idea to talk to Lily in a more friendly way, justifying this as, "If I can't be her boyfriend, I'll at least be her best friend." He went down and asked Rem where Lily was and Rem said library. I followed James to try and stop him from doing anything utterly and completely stupid. So, stupid git that he is, James went and wrote in her journal. Obviously she didn't mind, so I tried to do that too, but they kicked me out. So I left, found Petey and but he didn't have time, because he was doing homework.**

**I went then to wander around the school, because I certainly did not want to do homework. I saw Regulus and said hi, but not much else because we are technically not supposed to talk to each other because I am a blood-traitor who is about to be disowned.**

**I got back up to Gryffindor Tower and what did I see? Alice and the girls yelling at James and Petey! I quickly got into yelling, but I'm not sure exactly what I said. My mouth and my brain work independently of each other, and yes, I know that's not the best thing. I saw Rem come down the girls' stairs, which is totally not fair that he can go up there, and he silenced us all. For the full conversation/lecture, see Remmy's journal.**

**Anyway, after that all the girls were looking sullen but with our silent communication skills we got them to go upstairs on their side. We did homework in the Common Room since we were waiting for Remmy to cool off and there was not much else to do. After about an hour, Pete went up to bed and James went down for food. Remus came down and we did homework together, him helping me with Herbology and me helping him with Potions.**

**After that I read his journal and then wrote this. I think I am just going to summon my alarm clock and sleep on the couch tonight, I'm really too tired to do anything else. I'd transfigure the journal into a pillow, but you're going to read it, so…**

* * *

><p>AN: Hope you liked it! Leave a review and make Sirius happy!


	21. Chapter 21

**A Sirius Note**

**I'm actually pretty proud of this day's journal entries. Leave happy, witty, or funny reviews to match the entry. No depressing. Lots of reviews, they help the author type faster and keep the stupid new muse away!**

**Also, there have been some changes to the original document. The super word was all originally one word, but this stupid Muggle contraption won't save as that, it just deletes the word, so the author put dashes in between.**

* * *

><p>Detention: RL, JP, PP, SS, LE, SB<p>

For: Same

Assignment: journal, day three, SS, JP, PP

* * *

><p><em>The Journal of Severus Snape<em>

_Day three_

_Study of important characters of school life:_

_Lily Evans__- a smart and funny girl who seems to be the _only_ person brave enough in this school to go against the flow and make friends with an automatic outcast. However, she is beginning to crack under the pressure. Between disliking said outcast's so-called "friends" and starting to fall for a certain idiotic Gryffindor (though she will refuse to even consider the possibility, I am well aware of exactly what is happening), Lily and said outcast are becoming estranged, and I fear the friendship will not stand the test of time. Her other friends are considerably more popular, and they sure do act it. They walk away from her when she needs their calming words the most, and they talk behind backs. How she can yet be close to them is something that I, a lowly observer, will never be able to understand._

_James Potter- an irritating git with more arrogance than a Malfoy. Conventional sports-playing type bully, the kind that just wants more attention. Is utterly obsessed with Lily Evans and uses the most idiotic ploys to get to her. Seems to think that by bullying friends of hers and stealing her things is the way to steal her heart._

_Sirius Black- conventional bully, likely because he has been bullied himself in the past. While he shows continuous rebellion toward any pureblood mania, he will still act like a true Black from time to time, cruelty and insanity showing along with other traits. Overly confident, extremely loyal, and too much of a damned troublemaker along with having an amazing set of creative and imaginative skills, Black could be in any of the Houses, but most would agree that he belongs best to the house of Lions, especially with their reputation for having the majority of pranksters._

_Remus Lupin-aside from Potter, possibly the Marauder that I dislike the most. Unlike the main two, Lupin is supposedly the "conscience" of the group. While he has achieved the medal of prefect, he rarely applies it to his friends, more or less turning a blind eye to the whole situation. You may argue that the Slytherin prefects do the same, but I never said I liked them, either. The most disgusting thing that I find about him is that he neither participates in nor acts against what his friends take to doing. He is overly afraid of Potter, Black, and the teachers and as such is hardly fit for a Gryffindor._

_Peter Pettigrew-would be more fit as a Slytherin than anything else. Not overly brave, he continuously cheers for his friends' acts of troublemaking, gaining their trust and becoming a source of their triumph. As such, it would be extremely easy for Pettigrew to manipulate them from behind the scenes. He would simply offer a suggestion, and while the others would tell him off for saying such a stupid thing, the idea would stew in their minds and they would unconsciously build it up until it is a plausible assault. It is possible that there is much more to Pettigrew as part of the group than often meets the eye. He rarely gets into trouble, as many teachers think that he is just a follower, closer than the others, but still having no real part of the action._

_Raymond Goyle- one of those friends that Lily can't stand. He might look stupid, but one of the unspoken rules of being a Slytherin is that what you are is not what you are. Maybe he looks like he couldn't find his way through a door, but he is actually very intelligent, and very cunning. If I had to guess, he'll probably end up working in law enforcement._

_Regulus Black__-possibly more annoying than his brother, but far easier to like. Despite how both brothers are always denying it, they are both more similar than they realize. It is simply house prejudice and their circle of friends that prevent them from being twins in mind and manner. Regulus is more of a mommy-follower than Sirius, due to him being the favorite child that all responsibility is placed upon. Like his brother, he has been obsessed with girls from a young age, and his most annoying attribute is _talking_ about them all._

* * *

><p><em><strong>James<strong>_

_**After the lights have gone out.**_

_**I…will not…kill Remus…for…being…sensible…**_

_**I…will not…kill…Remus…**_

_**I…am so…effing…bloody…excuse the language…angry…**_

_**I need a prank. Preferably on the idiots who dare to call themselves Lily's friends. I swear, if Remus hadn't stopped us…**_

Why don't you try killing them with kindness?

_**What do you mean, Remus?**_

**I'd think it's rather obvious, Jamesie. He's saying, be super-cali-fragilistic-expialidocious-ly nice to them, and they will be absolutely suspicious and afraid of what you're going to do to them. Then, we think of something worthy of doing!**

_**Super—what?**_

Super-cali-fragilistic-expialidocious. It's what you say when you have nothing to say, James.

_**I'm surprised you can even spell that, Peter. Where did you here of this, anyway?**_

Sirius, I'm actually wondering that myself. You don't come from a Muggle family.

**I saw the musical on a day that I snuck out of the house. The guy taking the money was really weird. He kept asking me things reeeeeaaaaalllllyyyyy sssssllllloooowwwwlllyyyy, like I was foreign or something. But he took the Galleon I gave him and let me in.**

Somehow, I'm really not surprised.

No, not really.

_**WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT HERE AND WHY ARE YOU NOT EXPLAINING IT?**_

Lucy, you've got some 'splainin to do. Remmy, I'll leave this to you.

_**ARRRGH!**_

That's nice James. Is this what you're contributing to your journal? A bunch of capital letters and sound effects?

_**I'll kill you later. Go back to sleep.**_

Have fun!

_****Super-cali-fragilistic-expialidocious**. S**uper-cali-fragilistic-expialidocious**. **_

Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious.

**If you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious.**

Super-cali-fragilistic-expialidocious!

**Hum diddle iddle umdiddle eye.**

_**ARRGH! THESE IDIOT LUNATICS ARE DRIVING ME INSANE!**_

* * *

><p><span>Peter<span>

Oh what fun

It is to drive

James Potter insane, hey!

Okay, so writing before my murder by Potter, my will is as follows:

All my books (the few I have) go to Remus

All my joke things go to Sirius

James can have whatever he wants

Everything else goes to my mother

Witnesses:

Remus J. Lupin

**Sirius O. Black**

May I live to fight another day, but this is backup. Farewell and so long.

Peter

* * *

><p>AN: If it's not one thing, it's another. My muses are disliking each other, as you can see.

So, most people don't like Pete and don't write him well. I need feedback, please. My character's have character, but I don't know how well they work out.

Yes, I know the Mary Poppins word is all one word, but it won't save onto ffnet if I don't use the dashes.


	22. Chapter 22

**A Sirius note:**

**Hello one and all! The author says she is sorry for not updating in a while. She was forcefully dragged into helping with the local school's drama program, even though she did not sign up for anything. So, she's been held up for a while and even though she told me not to tell anyone this because she didn't want to bother them with lame excuses, I thought you should know that she wasn't holding back out of spite and that it really wasn't her fault.**

**Onto detention!**

* * *

><p>Detention: James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, 5th years<p>

For: Not paying attention AT ALL in Divination

Assignment: Predict the future, on a piece of paper, for a whole hour, using techniques that I have taught them.

* * *

><p><strong>Sirius<strong>

_**James**_

Peter

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, hmm… James, you do the dream thing, Peter, you're studying the "Orb of Great Demise" and I shall…duhn, dunh, da-dun, <em>study your aura!<em>**

_**You are such a ham.**_

**Why thank you.**

_**Whatever. Tell me a dream you had last night.**_

**Okay, okay, let me see…I dreamed that I was at the Great Hall, eating pudding.**

Why am I not surprised?

**Don't steal the paper, Pete. Anyway, I was eating pudding and then all of a sudden I was suddenly in the Slytherin dungeons, and Lucius and Bella were there, and they _cut my hair!_ And it was all uneven, and Peter was standing there, laughing at me!**

_**Hmm…very difficult indeed. All right, so, eating pudding symbolizes your normal life. Suddenly appearing in the Slytherin dungeons means that you will suddenly be thrust into an uncomfortable situation. As for the cutting of the hair, it means that Lucius and Bella will be cutting off an important part of your life. And Peter laughing? He betrayed you.**_

I did not!

_**Pete, we're making this up.**_

Oh. Okay. Should I go next then?

_**Sure. Do mine.**_

All right. I see…bells. Like church bells. And a fox…wait, no, it's a dog. A GRIM!

**(All in the room fall over laughing. Just so you know.)**

**Hm, well going by the book, church bells symbolize wedding. So, you're going to marry a foxy lady and die…what a fun life.**

_**I know. Now you get to study Peter's aura. I'll commentate.**_

_**(Sirius grips Peter's shoulders and closes his eyes. In a trancelike voice he says, "You are a rat…you are a rat…you shall live your life as a rat. Of course, I started laughing and broke their concentration.)**_

**Oh come on! I was onto something!**

Yeah, that I'm a rat. (Everyone fell over laughing again.)

_**How much time do we have left?**_

**Half an hour, unfortunately.**

So, another round of predictions. Anyone up for elementary love predictions?

**What?**

Oh, you wouldn't know. It's a Muggle thing. You get an apple with a stem and twist it around while you sing the alphabet. When the stem breaks, whatever letter you were on is the first initial of your true love's name.

**(James and I just died of laughter.)**

_**Fine. Let's do it. Peter, commentary.**_

(James transfigures a quill into an apple. He twists it on its stem, singing, "A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-IT BROKE! IT'S LILY, I KNOW IT IS!"

"Okay, let me try it," says Sirius, transfiguring a teacup into an apple. "A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z Now I know my ABC's. Next time won't you sing with me." The stem didn't break. Sirius put on a pout. "What, no love for me?"

"Maybe there's just too much love for you," James says. "You love far too many girls for you to just have one soul mate, so it confuses the apple.")

**Humph. Stupid Muggle game.**

_**Oh, shut up, Sirius.**_

**It is! How much time?**

Twenty minutes.

**This is stupid. Okay, I'll have a random prediction for two hundred.**

_**What?**_

It's from a Muggle show called Jeopardy.

_**Oh. Well, carry on.**_

**I predict that Snivellus will grow up to be a grumpy old man who teaches potions once ol' Sluggy retires. He's going to teach Lily and your kid (showing extreme hatred and biasness, naturally) and die in his thirties.**

_**Then how is he an old man?**_

**Attitude makes the age, my dear fellow.**

_**Right, so you're four?**_

**Shut up, Bambi.**

**_Eh?_**

It's not as funny when he doesn't get the joke.

**Too true. Come on, let's ditch this joint.**

But we've still got ten minutes!

**So Confund her, stupid.**

_**I'll do that. Let's go.**_


	23. Chapter 23

**A Sirius Note**

**I know it's been a long time. The author and I get that. We are very sorry. A lot of the papers got damaged or lost and it's been a painstaking process to get them back to normal. We are still not complete. Things will probably be muchly out of order, but we try.**

Detention: James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin; 7th years

For: Sneaking into the Slytherin dormitories and setting up various questionable spells

Assignment: Psychoanalytical Test—Word Association

* * *

><p>Name: <strong>Sirius Black<strong>

Directions: Read each word. Write the first thing that comes to mind after reading the word.

Dog

**Myself**

Moon

**Remus**

Girl

**Ravenclaws**

Flower

**Daisies**

Love

**Questionable antics**

Green

**Slytherins**

School

**Hogwarts**

Sugar Quills

**McGonagall telling us to not bring them to class because they made everything sticky.**

Crossword Puzzles

**Remus**

Brother

**Regulus**

* * *

><p>Name: <em><strong>James Potter<strong>_

Directions: Read each word. Write the first thing that comes to mind after reading the word.

Dog

_**Sirius**_

Moon

_**Remus**_

Girl

_**Lily**_

Flower

_**Lily**_

Love

_**Lily**_

Green

_**Lily's eyes**_

School

_**Hogwarts**_

Sugar Quills

_**Lily**_

Crossword Puzzle

_**Lily**_

Brother

_**Sirius**_

* * *

><p>Name: <span>Peter Pettigrew<span>

Directions: Read each word. Write the first thing that comes to mind after reading the word.

Dog

Sirius

Moon

Remus

Girl

Alice Longbottom

Flower

Rose

Love

Snogging

Green

Grass

School

Hogwarts

Sugar Quills

Transfigured into alarm clocks

Crossword Puzzle

Are Hard

Brother

Sirius's brother Regulus

* * *

><p>Name: <em>Remus Lupin<em>

Directions: Read each word. Write the first thing that comes to mind after reading the word.

Dog

_Sirius_

Moon

_Pain_

Girl

_Loneliness_

Flower

_Rose_

Love

_James and Lily_

Green

_Sick_

School

_Hogwarts_

Sugar Quills

_Chocolate_

Crossword Puzzle

_Daily Prophet_

Brother

_Sirius, James, and Peter_

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry it's been so long, but I hope you are at least a tiny bit satisfied with this. It's not fluff, but it is a detention paper concerning James's love for Lily.


	24. Chapter 24

**A Sirius Note**

**For the Genius who suggested this, I found and now present...**

**An argument! Over Lily! Between the two obvious choices! Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Detention: Severus Snape, James Potter; 7th years<p>

For: Dueling outside the Charms classroom

Assignment: Explaining _exactly_ what happened, in great detail, to Professor Flitwick

* * *

><p><strong>Notes from a Flicky Quill<strong>

Two boys, one Gryffindor, one Slytherin stand with their arms folded, facing Flicky. The Gryffindor is confident, proudly looking Flicky in the eye. The Slytherin sulks like a plant out of the sun, and refuses to look at either of the other two.

Flicky: I don't understand it! You two are _seventh_ years. Potter, you are _Head Boy_! You should be setting an example for the younger years, not dueling reckless of whoever gets in your way! Explain yourselves!

Though Flicky speaks in a rather light manner, it is clear that he is angrier than usual. Sulky seems to shrink an inch. It is Potter who speaks for them.

Potter: Well, you see, I was walking along, talking to my friends about Lily, when I see Sni—er, Snape. I began to talk just a little louder. It's an instinct; I didn't actually realize what I was doing. And then, Snape just attacked me with a Jelly-Legs Jinx!

Flicky: Is this true, Severus?

Not good, Flicky only uses first names when he is disappointed or angry. Sulky glances up from behind his veil of hair and shifts his weight before saying, "Yes."

Flicky: Can you explain your actions?

Sulky: It's very easy to set me off these days, Professor. (He shot a look at Potter) When people talk crap about other people, especially ones who are friends…

Potter: You don't even deserve to call Lily a friend, you poisonous, evil, slimy, Death Eating _prick_! She always stood up for you, and you still called her a You-Know-What! And I wasn't talking bad about her!

Sulky: (very sarcastically) I'm sure.

Flicky: Boys!

Sulky immediately goes from fighting position back to sulking position. His right hand still rests gently on his wand, ready to hex if the need arises. He is quite like Flicky in his younger years, although Flicky was much louder in temperament, and gave plenty of warning before striking.

Flicky: All right. So Mr. Snape cast a jinx on you. Then what did you do?

Potter: I Levicorpussed him. I had him hanging by the ankle, and he was still trying to hex me. He hit me again and I dropped him, and then you came running out.

Flicky: You dropped him from how high up?

Sulky: Fifteen feet, more or less.

Flicky: And you just got back up? You could have been injured severely!

Sulky: (muttering) Like anyone would care. (Aloud) I'm used to it, Professor. I can take care of myself.

Potter: (sarcastic muttering) That's right, Professor. He can take care of himself, and he doesn't need anyone to worry about him, because he's an arrogant, narcissistic Slytherin who doesn't care who he hurts.

Sulky: Shut up, Potter!

Potter: What's wrong, Snape? Can't stand people telling you how awful you are? Does it hurt your self-esteem? Do you realize worried you make Lily? She _worries_ about you, she _cares_ about you, and you—(Potter pokes Sulky in the chest)—you have the _nerve_ to turn your back on her, to insult her when she was trying to protect you, and then try to apologize? Like you actually care about her? Like two words will make it all better?

Potter pushed him away in righteous anger. Sulky stumbles back into a desk. Flicky is too stunned to do anything but watch.

Potter: (Pacing) Yeah, I get that I was a right little bastard in my younger years, but at least I had the courage to _grow up!_ And I'm not perfect, I still have bad habits, but I am trying. _You _are not. _You _just live in the past, in some stupid fantasy world where you're perfect and Death Eaters are good people. You can't figure out how to change your perspective, see things from another point of view, and realize that, just maybe, you're wrong for once. You screwed up, Lily can't forgive you, now get over it. Live a half-decent life for once. Do something right.

At this, Potter storms out of the classroom, leaving two stunned occupants alone. Flitwick recovers quickly and goes after Potter, as they still need to talk about punishments and such. Sulky drops into a desk and sighs.

Sulky: I've always tried, Potter. But it's too late to do something now. I'm a Death Eater, for Merlin's sake! I'm just as bad as you always said. (Drops head onto desk)

**End Recording**


	25. Chapter 25

Well, I'm back for this second. I know it's short, but it's here!

Disclaimer-Not mine, and Slytherin Weekend isn't either

* * *

><p>Detention: JP, SS, SB, RL, LE, PP<p>

For: If they don't know by now…

Assignment: Journal, Day four, SB, RL, SS

Sirius's Journal

**Evening, my lovely Transfiguration teacher,**

**Notice that I did not say, "Good evening, my lovely Transfiguration teacher." It is, in fact, not a good evening. But I would hate to spoil the suspense…**

**Oh, bugger it. HOW IN THE NAME OF MERLIN'S MOST BAGGY FREAKING Y-FRONTS DOES SNIVELLUS HAVE A DATE TO THE DANCE WHEN THE MOST POPULAR TWO BOYS IN SCHOOL DO NOT?**

**Don't mistake this for jealousy, Minnie. I am most certainly not jealous of Snivellus. I am merely curious. Loudly curious.**

**As well as curiosity for that paradox, why do we even have a Halloween dance? We didn't have one last year, or any of the prior years. I even asked some of the upperclassmen, in case it was some septcentennial (is that a word?) thing, but no. Is this one of Dumbledore's crazy ideas to bring the houses…**

**Oh, it is. Masked ball, wear a costume, masks off at midnight. Makes sense. Dumbledore would do that. It won't help a thing, but Dumbledore would try. Also, I'm sure it's probably "to bring a little fun and joy into these dark times." However, this also seems to be backfiring, as the stress of getting a date is incredibly _not_ something I would call fun. **

You could always go with James.

**Straight as an arrow, thank you.**

That's not what I meant and you know it, idiot.

**Ignore Remus. His time of the month is approaching, though, thankfully, he will still get to go to the dance. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, there's no way we let him miss it, even if we have to take his furry behind and stuff him in a cage while one of us dresses as a crazy cat lady.**

**Argh, if I can't get a date by tomorrow, I'll be going as a handsome and unattached young man. More ladies to dance with.**

You realize that the point of a costume ball is for everyone to talk and dance regardless of status? Technically, you aren't even supposed to bring a date.

**Yes, Moony, I _am_ a Black, much as I pretend not to be.**

_**So, do you know who your brother is going with?**_

**Who?**

_**So you don't know.**_

**Of course I do, Prongsie, I just wanted to know if you knew.**

_**Lies. I'm sure you'll find out at the dance, though. And boy will you be surprised.**_

**I hate James Potter. Now I'll have to climb out of my nice warm bed and harass portraits after curfew.**

**Merlin I hope it isn't Snape.**

* * *

><p>Remus<p>

Day: Four

Time: 9:47 pm

Location: My bed

Disclaimer: I did it purely in the pursuit of knowledge

I was reading over Sirius's shoulder while he was writing for most of it. When he left, I read the exchange between him and James.

Yes, we frequently read each other's journals. It saves us ink and you from for boring identical stories.

James hid his somewhere, so I haven't seen his entry for today. I believe it's probably a heartbroken love sonnet or something. Miss Lily Evans turned him down. She'd already accepted to a Ravenclaw by the name of Smith. As far as I can tell, that will only last the first dance. He's a bit of a jerk.

Sirius needn't worry about Regulus's date being Snape. The bat's already going with a fourth year by the name of Trelawney. From what I hear, she's a little…out there, to put it kindly. Perfect match, those two. Unless they're having a three-way (ah! Mental images very bad!)…

Right, so let's put that far from our mind and keep Slytherin Weekend away as well. That song gives me the shivers, personally, must be something with the tune.

The guys don't know if I've got a date or not, and frankly, I plan on keeping it that way until five minutes before the dance begins. I am a lot crueler than people give me credit for. Muwhahahaha.

Have a lovely evening.

* * *

><p><em>The Journal of Severus Snape<em>

_Day four_

_Well, I can't say I'm displeased with the way this day has turned out. I've been invited to attend the Halloween ball two days from now, and from what my sources tell me, Potter and Black have not. Perhaps their true colors are finally beginning to show to more people than just myself. There was also that interesting business with Miss Skeeter. Oh, none of the students outside of the original six who happened to be there will ever know what happened, Narcissa made sure of that, but there is definitely some room for "Black" mailing there. A Slytherin Weekend indeed._

_The only person I worry about in this whole issue is poor Regulus Black. I feel sorry for him having to deal with all the insanity that runs through his family. And imagine discovering that before you've even had the chance to have breakfast…_

_But of course, no one outside of the original six need to know about that. Actually, four of the original six really didn't need to know it either, but may as well make omlettes from the eggs you're given (or whatever that stupid saying is)._

_Ugh, now I have that bloody song stuck in my head. Curse Sirius Black and his radio! If it isn't Led Zeppelin, naturally it must be Swish and Flick. Ridiculous, the lot of them. Of course, with my luck, the latter will be performing live, October 31st, 1975 at a location near you!_

_Obviously my mind is suffering from overstimulation. I'll end this before I end up writing something I'll regret in the future._

* * *

><p><strong>"<strong>_**Obviously my mind is suffering from**_** overstimulation.**"** Honestly, can he get any more pompous? Everybody give it up for Snivellus Snape, winner of the Greasy Git Award! Why not congratulate him in a review, along with other, more substantial comments?**

**-Sirius**


	26. Chapter 26

What? Two chapters in two days? Since when? Let's hope it continues, yeah?

* * *

><p>Detention: JP, SS, SB, PP, RL, LE, fifth years<p>

For: Must I really write it?

Assignment: Journal, day four, JP, PP, LE

* * *

><p><span>Peter<span>

Quite frankly, I still can't believe James and Sirius haven't had dates for the dance since September first. You should have heard them moaning in the dorms this morning. I think James will end up going single, with some awesome costume so he ends up dancing with Lily anyway, likely just before midnight.

Sirius has convinced me to dress up as a pirate, although it was Remus who convinced Sirius _not_ to go dressed as a member of a biker gang. Sirius was going to transfigure his robes into a leather vest and leather pants. No shirt. Remus said absolutely not. He's like our dad sometimes, in which case, Sirius would be our little sister dating the bad boy in school. He likes to think he's the 'bad boy,' but he really isn't.

I'm really hoping that I actually dance with someone at the dance. I mean, we're all masked and Glamoured up, surely this will be a day where more than just the Gryffindors act brave and slightly stupid? It isn't like there'll be any lasting repercussions the next day.

Oh, goody. Sirius is trying out different styles of pirate costumes, and each change comes with a bang, naturally. Remus is about ready to kill him. I think it's time we put a Calming Draught in the water jug again. It's not like any of the rest of us ever use it.

Until tomorrow,

Peter

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Life of James<strong>_

_**I need to go hex a kid named Wilson Smith. It will make me feel much better. On the other hand, if I get a detention now, I won't be able to go to the dance. And then I won't be able to even see Lily, let alone dance with her. Sigh.**_

_**Sirius would laugh if he saw what I was writing now and say I'm acting ridiculous. He doesn't understand it though. Heck, I don't know if I understand it. But do you know how difficult it is to stay patient for a girl who actively hates and avoids you and wait for her feelings to change? And now I'm trying to be her friend, but in some ways, it's even worse. Knowing that maybe she likes you a little but she'll never like you like that.**_

_**Ha, if Moony were a Muggle, he'd be blaming this down-ness on hormonal imbalance. He already does, fairly frequently. I have no idea what hormonal imbalance is, but I think it's something Moony made up, just so he can give us that exasperated look. He does that fairly frequently as well.**_

_**While we're on the subject of alliteration, do you know what tomorrow is? Fun Fun Friday! Be sure to either carry a pillow or have something to turn into a pillow at a moment's notice, because it's going to be wild and wacky. Absolutely animalistic, as Sluggy would say.**_

_**Merlin, I'm feeling better already. I'm worse than a girl!**_

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

_I believe I speak for every girl when I say this. While I love being young, there are days that I can't wait for menopause. _

_Argh, my brain is on the fritz today. Somehow I ended up saying yes to go to the dance with Wilson Smith and also regretting that I couldn't also say yes to Potter. What in the world is wrong with me? I wish I could talk to Alice about it, but at the moment we aren't on speaking terms. She currently thinks that the Marauders are my personal minions whose goal in life is to torment those who make me angry. Personally, that would be something I could use._

_I've heard that Severus has a date, and personally, I think it's wonderful. It's about time he got out of his shell and into the world. And Sybill Trelawney seems like a very nice girl, not at all like the crazy, death-predicting lunatic the other Ravenclaws describe her as. They can be so mean sometimes. Brilliant, but scary._

_I do have to ask you: Why exactly did you want to read three weeks of our diaries? Quite honestly, I'd think it would be sickening, reading the rants and cries of six hormonal teenagers. Although, I have to admit, it would be interesting to see how Severus writes his journal. Is it his normal, sarcastic voice, or is he a true romantic, a fellow who will admit to the page his deepest, darkest secrets that he dare not even tell his best friend?_

_And I'm sure I have an evil look on my face. Bad Lily, wanting to read her best friend's diary. Friends are supposed to be someone you trust with your diary in one hand, a gun to your head in the other, and they won't do a thing with either of them. I think Severus would be one of those friends. I only hope that I can live up to that standard, myself. Funny how you can always compare yourself and your friends and you always come up short. Compared to what people will do for you, all of your feelings and selfishness make you feel small and insignificant. And stupid and stuff, but we'll leave that out of the equation._

_Why did I agree to go to the dance with Wilson? I think I'll need two costumes for the dance, one to show up in and one to disguise myself!_

* * *

><p><strong>Ah, young love. Leave kind notes, if you please.<strong>

**Oh, just wait until you read about the dance. Honestly, what _was_ that whole jar of dirt business about?**


	27. Chapter 27

So, seriously, I want to get to the dance as much as you do, but Sirius and James manage to still get detention between here and there. This is why Minnie needed a pillow.

* * *

><p>Detention: James Potter, Sirius Black, 5th years<p>

For: Staging a school-wide pillow fight, dressing up as ninjas and randomly attacking people with pillows.

Assignment: Explanation essay

* * *

><p><strong>The Whatever Page in the Etc.<strong>

**Subject: The Pillow Incident**

**Author: Your worst nightmare**

**The purpose of this essay is to teach grammar to unlearned pureblood students. Just saying. Otherwise, Remus would _totally_ be here.**

**Back on topic, we planned this out before we knew there was going to be a dance, so there was no way that we could possibly leave it out of our schedule. Anyway, it's in the Halloween spirit, so give us a break. It's good for everyone's soul (if not their heart) to have one moment of pure, abstract terror of a ninja jumping down on you before you realize that they're holding a pillow, in which case, you can belt them in the face with the same pillow they warned you to bring a few days ago. Which you did. And that's the only reason I was caught. Otherwise, it would have been just James in detention, because he's the only one you have solid proof of. Remus and Peter always get away. They're like slimy Slytherins in the stinking sewers. Except more lovable.**

**But it's a good thing I'm part of the decorating team, otherwise, I would probably be banned from the dance. Please don't ban me. It was all in good fun. Siriusly. I'll buy an entire new wing in the library and name it after you. It's okay to bribe people with books, isn't it? Technically it will be helping the entire school.**

**Please?**

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Pillow Problem<strong>_

_**James Potter**_

_**The total thing was totally twisted to terrorize the thirdies, Teach. It isn't intended to irrationally imprison or interfere impishly in instruction. Happily for Halloween, here heralds…oh forget this.**_

_**This was entirely for the increasing of fun levels of the weekend until it reaches bursting point on Sunday and we're all very quiet and well behaved on Monday for classes. Really, a giant pillow fight on Friday, a dance on Saturday, and ahem, sleeping on Sunday, we'll be perfectly fine students the next day. Quiet, well rested, not too bouncy. Really, it was entirely for you, Minnie. Sirius is an idiot. I didn't really intend for you to need to use the pillow, except maybe to take a nap while all of your classes are caught up in the pillow war. It was inter-House cooperation. Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs versus Slytherins and Ravenclaws. Even Snape knocked out a seventh year 'Puff, and the pillow burst in his hand, and boy, you should have seen his face. I think someone's been spiking his pumpkin juice, Professor, because he's been way to relaxed as of late. I mean, I saw him smile, and that's just plain not normal.**_

_**Getting off topic…my detentions are starting to all sound like my journal entries. Oh, right, and I still have to do that when I get back from doing this…**_

_**That is all.**_

_**The End.**_

* * *

><p><strong>James said it all. Nuff said. Although I must say this, the author does seem to type up old papers faster with two cups of hot chocolate and lots of reviews spamming her inbox. Of course, real spam isn't really as fun. Nor does it leave as nice of a feeling in your heart and in your mouth.<strong>


	28. Chapter 28

**One more day until the dance! Only another chapter after this before Saturday's entry! Who enjoys our misery of public humiliation over the internet by having our diaries posted worldwide?**

* * *

><p>Detention: JP, SS, SB, RL, LE, PP, fifth years<p>

For: They know

Assignment: journal, day 5, JP, SB, RL

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Life of James<strong>_

_**Well, I must say, this was a funner and more creative outlet than hexing Wilson Smith, although I still haven't stopped that train of thought. And tell me, who doesn't like a pillow fight? Even Snivellus got in on the action. Ahem, that sounded bad. Even Snivellus walloped a seventh year Hufflepuff Prefect in the face with a pillow. And by Golly, he even cracked a smile when the pillow exploded in his hands.**_

_**The 'Puff, naturally, was knocked out. I think that Snape could actually be a Beater if he ever learned to fly a broom.**_

_**Um, anyway, we planned this this summer instead of doing our summer assignments. It was actually a pretty good idea. It promoted Inter-House cooperation, and it also gave everyone a chance to beat the stuffing out of someone you had issues with without getting into trouble. Really, us getting detention for benefiting the entire school, especially Lily? Completely worth it.**_

_**Speaking of the lovely red-head, she and her roommates were having a wonderful time bursting the pillows on each others' heads. I think it was something they all needed, to clear the air between them. Just start out angry, and by the end of it, they're all laughing and having a good time. And she says she despises the things I do.**_

_**Naturally, to keep this all in good fun, we deserted the scene once Snivellus spotted us. Sirius then had a brilliant idea to dress up as ninjas and randomly drop on people who weren't already enjoying the fun. This would have worked out fine, had Sirius not decided to drop in on you, Minnie. Of course, you had followed my advice and was carrying a lovely cat-shaped pillow, and your cat-like reflexes allowed you to smack Sirius in the face as he was leaping down on you. He then proceeded to fly backwards into a suit of armor and grant us both detention. I don't blame you in the least.**_

_**And I just gotta say…nice shot.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Sirius's Journal<strong>

**So, since you cannot possibly give us more detention time without infringing on our classes, I guess I can tell you what all went down, as the Americans would say.**

**Jamie and I woke up veeeeeeeeeeeeeeery early today. In fact, I think it was so early that it was technically late. Why we did not actually stay up the entire night? Well, that would mean Remus would stay up with us and make us do homework, which would entirely defeat the purpose, as homework would make us fall asleep and the entire thing would be ruined.**

**I'm having difficult relations with James at the moment. On one hand, he is my brother and I love doing pranks with him, but on the other, he's dead annoying. None of the portraits would say a word to me when I asked about Regulus, and James just keeps teasing me about it. In fact, I bet that Regulus doesn't even have a date, it's just James being an idiot.**

**Except that's impossible, because Blacks always have dates.**

**Except, for some reason, I haven't gotten one yet. I know the majority of Lily's friends are still single, but I'm still incredibly displeased with them and so don't want to ask them out. At this point, I would ask Ratty Mosquito or that crazy fourth year Ravenclaw who says she has the Gift of Seeing, but I've heard that even they managed to get someone to go with them!**

**And James still won't tell me what his costume is. Why? Why? WHY?**

**Do excuse me, I believe I was telling a story here. Now where did I end? Oh yes.**

**So, we woke up early. Using some special magic that you would be proud of us for learning, we multiplied the pillows in our room to like, a thousand pillows, but of course we put the original pillow in the Undetectably-Extended bag that way we didn't have to stuff a gazillion pillows into the bag after we multiplied them. James would have done that, if I hadn't thought of it beforehand. **

**So we were walking down the stairs with about two thousand pillows on our backs (because my idiot partner-in-pranking multiplied the bag and all of its contents) and Peeves just happens on by. We convinced him to help us drop pillows everywhere in the main entrance between the Grand staircase and the Great Hall.**

**At this point it would be wise to disclaim Peter's participation in any of this. Remus planned it, James and I carried it out. Peter was just as surprised as the rest of the school.**

**Have you realized how easy it is to distract the entire school? I mean, it's like a kid from the bad part of London and a sparkly object. I'm surprised we ever get any classes, to be honest. Dumbledore will cancel classes for a pillow fight. I think he must not have had any fun as a child, or he's going senile, because most adults I know would be like, "Sirius and James will clean up this mess, and the rest of you get to class, NOW!" **

**Wow, have you realized how easy it is to distract me? It's like a Slytherin spotting a Gryffindor. They stare at us with hate, and then when we're gone from sight, they're like, "So what were we talking about again?"**

**Um, anyway, we then proceeded to go back to bed for a few hours after we put up a sign that said, "Pillow fight arena." Woke up early again. Went down to breakfast late. No one was in the arena yet, which I decided to change. I ate a sausage and stuffed a toast in my mouth, went over to the Slytherin table, grabbed my brother and dragged him away. Literally dragged. I also grabbed a Ravenclaw prefect. Quite a few people followed me. I dragged my two prisoners into the arena, dropped them, and issued a Sonorous on myself. I briefly noticed that the Ravenclaw I'd grabbed was Wilson Smith. Eat pillow, jerk.**

**So, I issued a Sonorous on myself and said, "ATTENTION HOGWARTS! TODAY'S CLASSES ARE CANCELED!" I looked at Dumbledore, and he nodded his approval. "BUT IN RETURN FOR THAT FREE DAY, AT LEAST NINETY-SEVEN PERCENT OF EACH HOUSE MUST PARTICIPATE IN THIS PILLOW FIGHT!" I figured that almost everyone but maybe one or two people would participate then, since wizard children are notoriously bad at doing math off the top of their heads. "THE ESTABLISHED TEAMS ARE AS FOLLOWS: GRYFFINDORS AND HUFFLEPUFFS VERSUS SLYTHERINS AND RAVENCLAWS. YOU, ARE, HOWEVER, PERMITTED TO BASH ANYONE WHO ANNOYS YOU, WHETHER OR NOT THEY ARE ON YOUR TEAM. FOR EXAMPLE, LILY EVANS IS PEFECTLY ALLOWED TO BEAT THE STUFFING OUT OF JAMES POTTER-" there were a great many laughs at this one "—EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE BOTH GRYFFINDORS. ANY QUESTIONS? NO? THEN BEGIN!"**

**People swarmed the arena, and I was happinessed. I burst a pillow on Wilson Smith's ugly mug, and he didn't come back up. Moments later, I saw Snivellus Snape do almost an identical move on a Hufflepuff prefect. And then, he smiled. And I was like, "Whoa," and James was like, "Whoa," and I was like, "Oomph!" because Alice-who-is-not-Lily's-friend thumped me in the back of the head and I dropped, unbalanced, to the ground, but only because the pillows slipped when I was trying to maintain my balance.**

**Snape caught my eye, and I decided it was time to evacuate the dance floor. James came with. Just one floor up, we Transfigured each other's robes into ninja outfits. We still had our original pillows (or one of the copies, but anyway, we had a pillow) so we decided that we should attack the people who were not participating. James was lookout, so it was really his fault I almost hit you and really his fault we had detention after this particular episode.**

**I had cast the Sticky Fingers charm on my shoes and walked up the side of the wall. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to perch sideways? You're either leaning toward the floor in an incredibly awkward position, or you're killing your legs trying to keep yourself in a ninja crouch on the side of a wall without falling off.**

**Needless to say, I was very happy when James signaled that a person was coming. I think he tried to signal to me that it was you just before I pounced, but he did some weird hand gestures and also flipped me off, so I flipped him off back. And I jumped. And you walloped me in the face with your embroidered cat pillow with a button nose and wiry whiskers that left red marks on my face for an hour afterwards. And James fell over laughing. And I hit him with a Stinging Hex. And we got detention for the rest of the afternoon, first with the writing assignment and then cleaning Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Ick. And now I'm sitting here, finishing this journal, FINALLY dry, after Myrtle's fits and then my shower, although my hair is still wet. I wouldn't be surprised if Myrtle was Snape's date. Anyone else would be sane and not desperate enough to go with him.**

* * *

><p>Remus<p>

Day: five

Time: unknown, Sirius smashed the clock with the water pitcher

Location: James's bed, because James dropped dead on mine

Disclaimer: I had nothing to do with it.

I would just like to say that the pillow fight was entirely not my idea, except possibly inadvertently during the summer when Sirius told me to throw him a pillow and I hit him in the face with it. That was the extent of my planning. Really.

Hm, did I say what my costume was going to be already? Let me look…Nope. I'm not going as a cat, or a wolf, thankfully. Nor a pirate. But my costume did end up matching with Sirius and Peter. I'm going as Peter Pan, and I've convinced Sirius to be Captain Hook and Peter to be Mr. Smee. Finally, no more bangs as Sirius tries to find the perfect style. He was contemplating dreadlocks with beads in them with a red bandanna for a while there, for Merlin's sake! And he put eyeshadow on to go with it, which at that point James called him a girl and there was a minor duel which resulted in James being knocked unconscious on my bed. And he's really too heavy for us to bother moving. We'll just blame Lily when he has a stiff neck in the morning. It's not like he'll remember any of it. We'll say that he asked her out again knowing full well Wilson Smith was going with her and she hexed him and we had to carry him up. My bed is closest to the door so it will make perfect sense to him.

I'm much more okay with lying when the full moon is approaching. Stupid wolf brain. It's affecting my conscience.

Right, so James and Sirius covered the morning, so I'll cover what happened while they were in detention. After they left the pillow fight, it became a pillow war, and magic was mostly disused except in the quick making of pillow cannons. Oh, it was brilliant. Who knew that the Hufflepuffs were so bloodthirsty? Puffs went at Claws, Snakes went at Lions, people were jumping on and over other people, thumping them in the face, feathers were flying everywhere. No one was seriously hurt, unless you count the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff that were knocked out by Sirius and Snape for the first three hours of the game. Snape, funnily enough, reminded me very much of a cross between an avenging angel and a battle commander. He had a pillow in each hand and was beating everyone, Slytherin included, one moment, and rallying the Ravenclaws into an organized arrow formation the next. Things were crazy.

As the afternoon wore on, less people were participating in the pillow fight. Peter fell asleep in a corner. Lily and her friends walloped some Slytherins and Ravenclaws. The action died down about three pm. Lily helped me clean up while Sirius and James were nowhere to be found. We woke up Peter. I took a nap.

Sirius and James came back about six, which is when we found out they had been in detention for trying to wallop Minnie. And that they'd been cleaning Moaning Myrtle's bathroom for the last four hours, which I found rather hilarious. Pirate costuming, duel, James unconscious on my bed. We argued a bit over whether or not we should all switch beds and freak James out in the morning or not. The clock started randomly beeping, and we tried to shut it off but nothing we did helped. We even preformed a Silencing charm. Then Sirius smashed it with the water pitcher. That actually worked, though now we have no way to tell the time or wake up in the morning. Oh well, can't have everything in life. I'm going to say it's approximately nine pm, so goodnight!

I'm hyper.

* * *

><p><strong>And the world is knocked off balance, only to become more so as the weekend wears on. Do please review. It makes the lazy transcriber who I am writing over while trying to stop from stopping me write faster. fal;fjwe. I mean, see you next entry!<strong>


	29. Chapter 29

I did this as quickly as I could, but then life intervened. Production nights of Arsenic and Old Lace. Have any of you seen it?

* * *

><p>Detention: JP, SS, RL, PP, SB, LE<p>

For: By now, I've forgotten

Assignment: journal, day five, SS, PP, LE

The Journal of Severus Snape

* * *

><p><em>Day five<em>

_This may be the only time that I will ever admit this, but for once, the Marauders have done something incredibly entertaining. I will also admit that this is the first time I have participated in a pillow fight. It was actually kind of…fun, if no one should drop dead from seeing that word issued by my quill._

_After being at Hogwarts for five years, it was hardly surprising to find an area outside the Great Hall marked, "Pillow Fight Arena" as we were coming down to breakfast. Being Slytherins, we of course ignored it. What was surprising was the mail I got this morning. It was from a cousin of mine, well, two actually, and I now know who is going to be performing at the dance. Thank Merlin I received a warning beforehand, otherwise I would have probably had a heart attack walking in the front door. Of course, they're bound to play that damn song, since they know I'm a student here and _somehow_ they know I've got a date._

_You, of course, know nothing about what I'm talking about. I'll clear things up a bit. Alan Rickman and Aiden Prince are my cousins. Alan on my father's side, Aiden, my mother's. They formed the band, The Ministry's Puppets, with the ulterior motive of getting me to learn to sing, which I had no intention of ever learning to do. Sadly, when they offered my parents the opportunity to get rid of me free for the entire summer, I had no choice. Led Zepplin records on repeat do end up driving one to insanity._

_As for "that damn song," I'm sure you'll figure that one out when the time comes, and not any sooner, at least from me._

_On the other hand, the dance should also be…again the word "fun." I have to wonder if someone hit me with a very weak Cheering Charm, because for that word to once come up in my vocabulary of the day is extremely unusual, twice, unheard of._

_Ah, well, I suppose I should begin my homework. I have ten feet of parchment due Monday, and I doubt I'll be coherent enough to do much of it on Saturday night. Saturday morning is the Quidditch game, Slytherin versus Gryffindor. I'm practically required to attend._

* * *

><p><span>Peter<span>

There was an awesome pillow fight today. I only found out later that James and Sirius set it up, although I wasn't really surprised that it was them. Living with them for five years does that to you. I was a bit unhappy that they didn't tell me anything about it before hand, but I was okay with it once I found out they'd been in detention all afternoon and I was not. Which is kind of mean, but it is slight compensation, and they're in detention so much it doesn't even bother them anymore.

**Peter used a four syllable word! I'm so proud of you!**

You see? They are completely unaffected.

Anyway, that was the major highlight of the day. I can't wait for the dance tomorrow. I'm going as Mr. Smee from Peter Pan. Remus said he'd help me with the charm tomorrow, so I'm worry free and excited.

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

_I wasn't woken up by loud noises this morning coming from the area of the boys' dormitories, which is how I knew that something was up. I actually thought it was going to be something terrible the Marauders were doing to the Slytherins, but instead they had organized a giant pillow fight. It was actually kind of amazing. _

_My friends and I had our own little pillow fight at the beginning. I will quite honestly say that I started it. As soon as Black announced that we could hit people on our own team, I immediately smacked Alice with a pillow. That began it. About twenty minutes later, everyone's hair was staticky (staticy? Statiky?) and falling out of pins and ponytails and we were all laughing. It was like the last week's stress just immediately went away. After that, I had fun beating the stuffing out of Slytherins and Ravenclaws, as Black would say. It seemed that Severus had fun too. So did Sybill, although she mostly focused on whomping her fellow teammates._

_Once it got to be afternoon, everyone kind of lost interest in the pillow fight. I helped Remus Vanish all of the pillows, because the two perpetrators had gone missing. I still don't know where they've been all this time, because I haven't seen them since early this morning._

_Oh, and I know what my costume is going to be, at least the first one, because I still haven't decided whether or not I need two costumes. I'm going as a Swan Princess, so I'll have a dress made out of white feathers, and Wilson is going as the Frog Prince, which is much less appealing with wizardry, where you can actually give yourself a real, human-sized frog head. Oh, what have I done?_

_Apparently, Mr. Potter still hasn't found a date, and no one knows what his costume is. Knowing him, he'll end up going as a lion or a pirate or he'll just put on his Quidditch robes and pretend it's a costume. He has so much creativity, but he never puts it to practical use._

_I need to start in on my homework. I expect we'll be staying up very late tomorrow at the dance and I'd rather not do it all Sunday night. It's four feet of parchment if you add it all up, so I'd prefer a less tedious option for Sunday afternoons. Watching moronic fifth years get dropped into the lake by the giant squid perhaps, since they were annoying it. _That_ was a funny day._

_Goodnight!_

* * *

><p><strong>I suppose I need to explain to you who <span>The Ministry's Puppets<span> are. The closest thing to them you would know is the wizard-muggle band Ministry of Magic, who are the modern day version. Several of the Puppet songs have been revamped and changed for MOM after the war, so if you see familiar lyrics, that's why.**

**On another note, I never knew Snivellus was related to two of the band members, or even that any of the band members were cousins. How odd.**

**Review and see how fast we can get this dance in action!**


	30. Chapter 30

Must disclaim: Don't own Harry Potter, or I've Got A Jar Of Dirt, Zorro, Fantastic Four, Incredible Hulk, Slytherin Weekend, any of the Ministry of Magic songs, or Cotton Eyed Joe. The Ministry's Puppets songs House Song, Evans Patronus, and Accio Love are all Ministry of Magic songs called House Song, Lily, and Accio Love with the words and/or title slightly changed. I own nothing. I just mess with it.

* * *

><p>Detention: JP, SS, RL, LE, SB, PP<p>

For: The rest of the week

Assignment: journal, day six, PP, SB

* * *

><p><span>Peter<span>

The dance was really fantastic. I went as Smee from Peter Pan, and Sirius was Captain Hook. We went down fifteen minutes early, and Remus came down with his date, a Hufflepuff. He was Peter Pan, and she was Wendy. We didn't see James at all, and I don't know if he just had a really good costume or if he just didn't go because he didn't want to be there if he couldn't dance with Lily. I only stuck around with Sirius for about the first half hour, and then I got hungry, so I went to the refreshments table. Over there, someone was already putting Firewhiskey into the punch, and it hadn't even been an hour into the dance yet!

I took a goblet of punch and some cookies. While I had my refreshments, I saw this guy who looked kind of like a cowboy dressed all in black and a girl with an icy blue dress and icy feathered mask. They looked very content with each other.

**Two point word!**

I thought you were asleep?

**Your quill scratches annoyingly.**

Close the curtains then.

**Fine.**

Fine.

Anyway, once I'd finished my punch, a mime silently dared me to dance with the next girl I saw. I closed my eyes, spun around a couple times, opened them, and searched the crowd for a girl. My eyes landed on…

Alice Prewett.

I may not be as ridiculously—

**Five points!**

Moronic as my friends, but I don't turn down dares. In my best pirate voice, so she might possibly not know who I was, I asked her to dance.

And she said yes.

**Ten points! You go, Pete!**

I spent a few songs dancing with Alice, and then I hung out with a couple Puff Pirates. We watched Sirius duel a mime. Dueled some ninjas. Mostly hung out and talked. It was really nice not having House boundaries. I didn't know half of the pirates and ninjas I talked with, but it didn't really matter. And then at midnight, when we discovered who we were really hanging out with, it was surprising to find out which people you had something in common with.

Yeah, pretty good night. I think we should do it again sometime.

**And this time we should make sure James is at the dance.**

Go to bed, Sirius.

* * *

><p><strong>Sirius's Journal<strong>

**Right, so I woke up today as a still single young man, and oddly enough, I felt like doing my homework. So I went down to the common room and got a chair closest to the fire. It seemed like everyone else had decided to sleep in, because the common room was empty until about nine o'clock.**

**I waited for James to get up and we went down to breakfast. There were other people at the breakfast table, and I split my time between guessing which people had dates and what James's costume was going to be. He told me that if I guessed right, he would tell me, but so far, no cigar.**

**Pirate? No.**

**Quidditch player? No.**

**A member of Swish and Flick? Absolutely not.**

**A wizard? Not even.**

**Ninja? Nada. **

**I CAN'T WIN! Short of the Imperious, I doubt that there's anything I can do to get the answer out of him. Grr, I hate being patient. It's such a waste of time. I want to know now now now now NOW! **

**And now I sound like my little brother. Thank goodness it's only you, Minnie, who is going to be reading this.**

_**Along with James.**_

And Remus.

_**But not Peter. He's much too nice to do that.**_

**Get lost, you two. Unless you tell me what that costume of yours is.**

_**No.**_

**And speaking of costumes, I have to go put mine on. The dance is in half an hour, and I want to show up early just to see who's wearing what. Bye-bye!**

* * *

><p><strong>Sirius's Journal continued<strong>

**Time: Approximately so late in the night that it is actually early in the morning.**

**Sirius…is…so…tired…he…is…talking…in…third…person…**

**Stupid James. I still don't know what his costume was.**

**So, showed up about fifteen minutes early to the dance, even after having to help Peter Transfigure his nose. There were only a few people there yet, including a mime, me and Peter, and a couple Ravenclaw girls dressed as squirrels. Flying squirrels, to be exact. The mime was entertaining them by trying to find his way out of an invisible box. Oddly enough, the Ravenclaws found it hilarious. I didn't know that it was possible to make a Ravenclaw laugh unless you knew Advanced Seventh Year Transfiguration (which I do…have a vague concept of).**

**More people came. The ones who really stood out were the Zorro-and-Ice-Queen couple, the girl who dressed up as a stripper (who wants to bet she was a Slytherin?) (she was kicked out and told to change her costume), the kid with the Death Eater costume (also kicked out, pretty sure is not a Slytherin), the kid who dressed up as a banker (sorry, _goblin_), and the Peter Pan and Wendy couple. Remus had a date after all. Little Hufflepuff girl, seemed pretty nice.**

**Still hadn't seen James. The Fantastic Four was reduced to a Terrific Trio for the night. Which sounds way less awesome than Fantastic Four.**

**Lily and Stupid Smith were Swan Princess and Frog Prince. Since James is asleep, I may say that Lily looked beautiful (and that doesn't mean I want to date her). Stupid Smith looked like a frog with Engorgio put on him. He totally deserves to look like a moron, Lily did not deserve to have to dance with the fool. I asked a couple people if they would mind cutting in to dance with her. The only person who looked remotely interested was the mime. Poor Lily.**

**Dumbledore hired The Ministry's Puppets as the dance's live entertainment. The first thing they promised was that they had songs that praised each house; the second thing they promised: to make fun of each house. "But it's all in good spirit!" they said. "We love you, Hogwarts!"**

**They had some great songs. They had their own rendition of "Slytherin Weekend" as well as a song simply called "House Song" which was about all four houses. There was a verse that started me laughing, because unlike some people, I actually listen to the lyrics.**

**"I'm a Slytherin**

**A big fan of snakes**

**Yeah, if it's all about us**

**We have to say snakes"**

**Best. Slytherin. Lyrics. Ever.**

**However, these were all songs I'd heard before. Then the band had a little speech. **

**Aiden Prince and Alan Rickman, the pianist and guitarist, came up to the microphone. "Hello Hogwarts!" Everybody cheered. **

**Aiden spoke first. "You don't know how much of an honor it is for us to be here. Really, it's awesome. Now, a little backstory on the next song we're going to play. Most of you already know that Alan here is a Muggle, and that it was him and I who began the band." Yep, that was old news. "What you probably don't know is that we have a cousin in common, that, without him, we wouldn't be here today."**

**Dear.**

**Sweet.**

**Merlin.**

**A cousin! I never knew that. "And he goes to this school, right now. He is, in fact, standing among you!" Really? Who is he? And how has no one known that he's the cousin of two famous Wrock stars?**

**Alan spoke up. "Now, we won't tell you who he is or what house he's in, because, well, from what we've heard, you wouldn't believe us anyway. But we'd like you to know that he wrote this next song. It's called 'Evan's Patronus.'"**

**I expected this song to be something about how cool magic was, since having both a wizard and a Muggle cousin would make this guy a halfblood, but no. It was a love song, started like this:**

**"You are still my strongest memory**

**Whenever I close my eyes**

**I see you, clearly**

**Every time my heart just skips a beat**

**Whenever you say my name**

**I need you, with me"**

**It was a good piece of writing for a teenager. Happy, upbeat, I need to know who this Evan kid is. And I'm sure the rest of the school is thinking the same thing. So, by Monday, everyone will know who the cousin of these two cool people is.**

**I had fun at the party. One of my essential props as Captain Hook (besides the hook) was a pirate sword, so I started challenging fellows with swords for a chance to dance with their ladies. I started with Remus, since we're archenemies, and then I dueled Zorro, a knight, this dude who called himself Aragorn, a pirate (not Peter), King Arthur, Godric Gryffindor, a goblin, a ninja, and the mime. How I kept mixing with this mime is unknown. The mime didn't actually have a sword, but he mimed having one and ended up miming his utterly overdramatic death.**

**Then the Puppets decided to play a Muggle song called "Caught Untie Joe." Muggles have such weird and interesting names for things! The chorus went like this:**

**"If it hadn't been for Caught Untie Joe**

**I'd'a been married a long time ago**

**Where did you come from, where did you go**

**Where did you come from Caught Untie Joe"**

**I think it's an American song. But anyway, everyone lined up in a pinwheel shape, and I, not wanting to be left out, linked arms with Zorro. Then everyone was dancing in a pattern that I didn't know. Zorro took pity on me. "Step left, left, right, right, left, left, right, right, left, left, right, right." And then we started going backwards, with everyone else kicking there legs up to the beat, and me trying not to stumble and fall down. The only comforting thing on the floor was that I was doing better than Regulus, who had a cape on and kept getting caught in it. The only thing consistently keeping him up was a person who had dressed up as the Incredible Hulk had an incredible grip on his arm. Pun completely unintended but laugh at it anyway. I think Regulus was supposed to be Roderick Plumpton on a rainy day or something like that.**

**I eventually ended up at a table talking animatedly with some other pirates. Then, I suddenly had a brilliant idea. I promised my pirate friends that I'd be back in a few minutes. I pushed my way through the crowd and got up to the stage. I'd heard that Alan Rickman was a really nice guy, so I went over by where he was and waited for the song to end. **

"**Mr. Rickman!" I called. When he turned to me, I almost pretended I didn't do that. No matter what I act like, it is truly terrifying and amazing to be in the presence of your musical heroes. **

"**Yes?" He asked.**

"**I have something to ask you…" I made my proposal. He told me he'd talk it over with the band and let me know by the end of the night. I thanked him and went back to my pirates. It never hurts to be polite.**

**At around ten o'clock, someone handed me a jar. It was Zorro. He told me to hold on to it. Then Zorro disappeared. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with it. I looked inside it, because, who knows, it might have instructions or something. Instead, it was just dirt.**

**A ridiculous plan struck me. I knew it was utterly insane from its birth, but since this was a costume party and no one would recognize me (or care if they did), I decided to go along with my idiotic brain. As the song, "Death Eater Regrets" came to an end, I stood up on a table. I started singing at the top of my lungs.**

"**I GOT A JAR OF DIRT! I GOT A JAR OF DIRT! I GOT A JAR OF DIRT, AND GUESS WHAT'S INSIDE IT?"**

**Crazily enough, the band started up a tune to it, so I kept singing, and even started doing this weird dance that was almost half waltzing, half Caught Untie Joe. I tripped over someone's drink and fell off the table, and that was the end of the song.**

**The night went on. I got food at about eleven-thirty. We pirates decided it was time to wreak some havoc. We found that there were several ninjas in the room, and challenged them all to a fight. **

**We never found out if ninjas or pirates were better though, because five minutes into the duel, Professors Minnie (in other words, you), Sluggy, and Flicky all came to break us up. And then you told us (and me in particular) that if we caused any more trouble, we would not see daylight for the next three months. Finally, five minutes before midnight, the Puppets made another announcement.**

"**Okay guys, this is the last song. It's intended for couples, but really, anyone can dance. It's called Accio Love, and tonight, it's dedicated to Lily Evans and James Potter, courtesy of Padfoot." James was either going to murder me in the morning or kill me in a bear hug. I looked around for Lily, and there she was, dancing with the mime. Too bad, it would have been great for her to dance with James, since this was their song.**

**"He smiles when she's not looking**

**She daydreams when he's not there**

**It won't be long til they discover**

**James and Lily love each other…"**

**The song ended exactly one minute and two seconds before midnight, so we all got to count down. All of us ninjas and pirates ended up sitting at two tables next to each other, and we were the loudest in the countdown. At the final stroke of midnight, masks were removed, and those without masks waved their wands so their faces returned to normal. I was surprised to find that the great majority of my bloodthirsty pirates were Hufflepuffs, but not surprised that most of the ninjas were either Slytherins or Ravenclaws.**

**The Puppets gave a speech about what an honor it was to have played for us and how awesome we all are. Then we slowly filed out of the Great Hall, Gryffindors and Ravenclaws heading up, Slytherins and Hufflepuffs going down. I was so tired I didn't even take any shortcuts, just trudged up with the rest of them the first year way. Which, oddly enough, made it longer until I got into bed. Funny how that works.**

**Anyway, when red-haired Remus, pudgy Peter and I all made it up to bed, James was already there, in his pajamas, and sound asleep. WHAT? I go through the trouble of getting an awesome band to play a song dedicated to him, and he probably slept through it? I'm using improper multiple punctuation, BUT THIS NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED! I may strangle him in the morning, but for the moment, I am too tired. I'm going to sleep now. After all, Sundays are for sleeping in…I'm not even gonna say the rest.**

* * *

><p><strong>Well, this was kind of long...<strong>

**But you liked it, did you not?**


	31. Chapter 31

**And we're Baaaaaaaaaaaccccccckkkkk! Enjoy! Also, Lily is right after Snape, so the author apologizes for the two italics in a row, but she says the diaries make the most sense in that order, so that's how it is, folks.**

* * *

><p>Detention: JP, SS, LE, RL, PP, SB<p>

For: Everything

Assignment: journal, day six, JP, SS, LE, RL

* * *

><p>Remus<p>

Day: six (well, technically seven)

Time: after midnight

Disclaimer: I don't know the mime

So, today was simply fits of excitement interrupted by moments of annoyance, rage, and depression, mostly for no reason at all except the approaching lunar spectacular. By the time it was time to get ready for the dance, I'd eaten so much chocolate I was almost sick from it. It's very unusual for me; I'm normally the restrained, chocolate-loving one. But I don't think I'll be wanting chocolate for the next week.

Yes, so in addition to my chocolate sickness, I was also nervous (apprehensive is simply too weak of a word for me to use this time) about meeting Angelina. My date. Lovely Hufflepuff girl, Muggleborn, and in fact loves Peter Pan. All plusses for me. And it turned out that I had nothing to worry about, except Sirius managing to somehow blow up the dance accidentally, or the punch being spiked and Peter drinking too much of it, or that James would try something drastic to get Lily's attention, or…you get the point.

**Come on! We aren't that bad!**

I believe that Peter already told you to go to bed?

**Well I'm not tired, so there.**

I think you'll find that if you actually get into bed, miraculously, sleep will come!

**Since when are you a sarcastic Slytherin?**

Since when do you not want to sleep?

**Fine. Be that way, Miserable Moony.**

I will. Goodnight.

Oi, Sirius read one of my poetry books that my mother gave me for Christmas, and now he's obsessed with alliteration. He was starting to get this notion that people with alliterative names were super-wizards. Then he realized that Severus Snape is an alliteration, and he stopped believing that.

Anyway, the dance was pretty fine. I enjoyed myself. I spent most of the time dancing with Angelina and taking turns guessing who was who. I'm pretty sure Snape went as a ninja, and that he was battling Sirius when they decided that ninja-pirate warfare was a perfect activity for a Halloween dance. They are utter lunatics.

I recognized only a few of the Muggle line dances, "Cotton Eye Joe" was one of them. It was incredibly funny to watch the Black brothers try and dance to it. They were on opposite ends of the pinwheel, and both were just stumbling along to the music. I have to wonder if Regulus had much of the punch; normally, he wouldn't do anything to shame his house. Sirius was actually better at the Cotton Eye Joe, he was perfectly in step going forward, and was just skipping backward instead of doing the actual dance.

Sirius was ecstatic to find that the Puppet cousins had a cousin in common at the school. He thinks that the cousin is named "Evan" based on the song "Evan's Patronus." However, the main singer's name is Evan, so it's quite possible that the cousin wrote a song from the imagined perspective of Evan. It might even be a girl's point of view, one who happens to have the last name Evan or…

Bloody hell.

Lily _Evans._

And the only three suspects I can think of to write this song would be:

James Potter

Severus Snape

Wilson Smith

James is out because he's Pureblood and hasn't had a Muggle relative for three generations.

Smith is also Pureblood.

That leaves Snape.

Sirius is _so_ not going to believe this.

* * *

><p><em>Snape<em>

_Day Six_

_Well, this was certainly an interesting social experiment of Dumbledore's. I honestly had no idea who anyone was at the dance except Sybil Trelawney. As soon as the dance was announced, the seventh year Prefect, Alexander, issued an order that no one was supposed to tell anyone else what their costume was, as an experiment within an experiment. We had patterns and ideas for costumes on the common room wall, and to further the confusion, no one took less than three, if they took any at all. I found it half amusing, half terribly sad how few Slytherins actually knew who Peter Pan or Zorro or Spiderman is. Yes, granted, Muggles are terrible and we must distance ourselves from them, but they're missing out._

_I must reiterate that I'm glad that my cousins warned me in advance that they would be there. Even with that knowledge, I almost walked out the door again once I saw them. I was incredibly worried that they would say something that would give me away. But no, the closest they got was telling everyone that they wouldn't believe who it was. Thank Merlin._

_Sybil and I had a lovely time, actually. We danced for a couple of hours and then got refreshments. Sybil chose the table with Lily Evans and a mime at it, enjoying their pudding. The two girls were very giggly and talkative, the mime and I mostly stayed silent and listened to them._

_I didn't realize that the punch had been spiked until my second glass, so my mental capacities were slightly impaired. When Aiden and Alan were talking about me in their little speech, it honestly took me a few moments to actually figure out who they were talking about. Note to self: Follow Auror Moody's example and do not take drinks from questionable sources. I rather like the title they gave to that damn song though. "Evans Patronus," is more likely to be heard as "Evan's Patronus," making people think that their cousin is named Evan._

_After a couple songs, a person dressed as Captain Hook came up and challenged me to a duel. If I win, he leaves me alone. If he wins, he gets to dance with Sybil. I was inebriated enough that I thought this was a perfectly acceptable action._

_I then proceeded to find out that I knew absolutely nothing about swordfighting, but if you jab fast enough, it usually works out pretty well. I still ended up on the ground, but I didn't look quite as ridiculous as I could have._

_The Puppets played the Twist and then the Cotton Eye Joe. Somehow I ended up dragging Captain Hook around for the majority of the song. He was stumbling so terribly I told him exactly how to dance to the song. Regulus, I think, was drunk, because he was also participating in this dance, and quite frankly, a three-legged Hairy MacBoon would have probably Cotton Eye Joed better than him. _

_I danced a couple more songs with Sybil, and then Regulus (who, yes, was incredibly drunk) gave me a jar full of dirt. I asked what it was for, but his words were unintelligible. I believe he said something about Crabbe and Gryffindors. Not knowing what Crabbe's costume was, I decided to pass the jar along to someone I was sure was a Gryffindor. Captain Hook. I found him and told him to hold on to the jar, and then I disappeared into the crowd. I still stayed fairly close, to see what Hook would do with it._

_It was soon confirmed that Hook was for sure a Gryffindor, and quite probably a drunk one. After "Death Eater Regrets" ended, he jumped on a table and started singing at the top of his lungs, "I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIRT! I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIRT! I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIRT, AND GUESS WHAT'S INSIDE IT?" My cousins, the ridiculous weirdoes they are, struck up a tune to it. Hook began to enjoy himself, dancing, kicking people's glasses off the table and sending them across the crowd, and repeating the three lines. Then he slipped off of the table, and the music abruptly stopped as everyone surged to see if he was all right. He, naturally, jumped right up and asked if the dirt was all right. I'm starting to believe that it was Sirius Black, especially considering the giant pirates-versus-ninjas fight he staged later that night._

_There were several more songs, which I spent line-dancing or sitting out watching other people, and then I found Sybil again for the last two songs. I found it mildly entertaining how Evan tried to make "James and Lily" fit into the song "Accio Love" perfectly, and there were several verses it didn't. Then there was the countdown, and we all slowly filed out of the Great Hall. Sybil was talking and giggling like a squirrel who's had seven coffees. I walked her back to her common room entrance._

_We'd taken a shortcut, so we'd arrived slightly before everyone else. The question asked was, "What is the purpose of life?"_

_Without missing a beat, Sybil said, "To find true love and a friend for all days." The door swung open and Sybil asked, "Severus?"_

_I turned, and before I could react, Sybil Trelawney kissed me. I was so surprised that I really didn't know how to react. Someone wolf-whistled behind us, and Sybil ran off into her common room, giggling. Several costumed Ravenclaws slapped me on the back as they entered the room, and I just stood there for about five minutes, stunned._

_Don't laugh at me. It was my first kiss._

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

_I do have to admit that I liked my Swan Princess costume. However, Smith's costume I can't say the same for. He really did look like a giant frog in a tuxedo. We danced for only the first two dances before he became unbearable. He said something particularly horrible about Hufflepuffs, and I honestly slapped him right across his froggy face and stormed off. I asked the first lone person I saw for a dance, which was a Hufflepuff dressed up as the Incredible Hulk. It was slightly interesting trying to dance with him, given that his hands were as big as my head. It almost felt like when my dad taught me how to dance. I was about five years old._

_After a few dances I went to get a drink. I passed Peter and waved. He nodded and called out, "The punch is spiked!" I didn't quite trust his judgment. Peter could get drunk by drinking Butterbeer. I asked a few other people who were drinking punch if it had alcohol, and they said no. So I got myself a cup and sat down at an empty table. I sat there for a while, watching people and guessing who they were. I saw Severus and Sybil dancing at not quite the edge of the dancers. They looked like they were quite enjoying themselves. I also saw Sirius, a.k.a Captain Hook, clashing swords with everyone who had one._

_A mime came up to me. He didn't say anything, but pointed at me, made a dancing movement, and then pointed at himself. I accepted. The mime was quite a good dancer. I tried to talk to him several times, but the mime stayed silent. Oh well. _

_We were dancing to a song called "Toxic Love Potion" when Sirius cut in and challenged the mime to a duel. The mime didn't have a sword, but pretended he did, and they 'dueled' for a few minutes before the mime ended up having an utterly overdramatic death and Sirius danced with me. At the end of the song, he ran off, probably to attack some other innocent couple. _

_The Ministry's Puppets played several Muggle songs, including Cotton Eyed Joe and Blue Suede Shoes. I didn't really know about the Puppets until tonight, and then I found out that it was started by two cousins, a Muggle and a wizard, who also had a cousin in this school. They thought he was a good enough songwriter that they even played a song that he made, called "Evan's Patronus." It's quite a lovely song, actually. It would be nice to know who their cousin is, but they wouldn't say. I wonder if I know him._

_Sirius got rather stranger as the night went on. He was dancing on tables and talking to the band and even started a pirate war. The last song was announced, and the mime found me again. When I heard what the Puppets said about the song, I almost went off to find and kill Sirius._

"_It's called Accio Love, and tonight, it's dedicated to Lily Evans and James Potter, courtesy of Padfoot." I would have killed him had the mime not started sweeping me in circles. The song ended about a minute before midnight, and so we all counted down to the unmasking. I pushed my mask up onto my forehead and the mime waved his wand over his face. I was stunned at who he was. He kissed my hand and disappeared into the crowd._

_James._

_Freaking._

_Potter._

* * *

><p><strong><em>The Life of James<em>**

_**Yes, I was the mime. I'm surprised that none of the Marauders figured it out.**_

_**In fact, they're convinced that I didn't even go to the dance.**_

_**How do I know? Well, Minnie, it is three o'clock in the morning, and I have just bested sleep in order to read everyone else's diary, so you already know about the dance. Also, I heard it when they were coming in, thinking that I was already asleep. Mind you, I hope you appreciate the effort. It was very difficult.**_

_**I will tell you about how I managed to make them all think that I was not there.**_

_**First, I never told them what my costume was. I was very adamant that it stayed a secret, because I wanted to see what it would be like to not be me for a while, with absolutely no one knowing who I was. I must say, it was both very strange and pretty awesome. Being a mime means that most people won't talk to you, and you get to act weird without people thinking you're crazy.**_

_**Second, I told my friends to go on down without me. They left fifteen minutes early, and I waited about 30 seconds before going after them, Transfiguring my clothes and casting spells as I went. I'd practiced this, and ended up at the Great Hall two minutes before everyone else. James: 1, Unsuspecting friends: 0.**_

_**I didn't talk to anyone while I was at the dance, so no one recognized my voice. As such, I became basically invisible, like a Hufflepuff ninja. Even Lily had no idea who I was until the minute I took my charms off. It was grand being in her presence without being yelled at for being an arrogant toe-rag and being slapped in the face. And her face when she found out it was me? Priceless.**_

_**I ran off right at the end of the dance, while everyone else moseyed along. They also all took the first year way up, while I took a much quicker route. Therefore, I was able to fool everyone til the very end. Except Lily, who I purposely gave it away to.**_

_**Awesome, yes? I sure think it was.**_

* * *

><p>Reviews? Please?<p> 


	32. Chapter 32

**Finally, an update! This transcriber is so easily distracted, isn't she? I'd hire a snail to get the work done faster, but they tend to lack typing fingers.**

* * *

><p>Detention: JP, SS, LE, PP, RL, SB<p>

For: One more day

Assignment: Journal, day seven, JP, RL, PP

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Life of James<strong>_

_**I woke up relatively early, though it was through no fault of my own. And by relatively early, I mean it was ten in the morning, but today is a Sunday, so it was early. Usually I sleep until at least noon on Sunday. **_

_**Anyway, Sirius Black woke me up today, and I was reminded (before I even had proper trousers on, mind you) first thing in the morning, exactly why you never purposely anger a Black.**_

"_**JAMES FREAKING HAROLD POTTER!" was the friendly greeting that I got first thing in the morning. I cracked one eye open. The fuzzy black spot that I have come to know as Sirius's head without my glasses on was just hanging out on his bed. My guess is that he woke up and suddenly remembered that he was mad at me. Wonderful. I closed my eye again.**_

_**Movement behind me; Sirius had woken Remus up. Peter snored on. He's cool like that, with a superhuman ability to sleep through a lot of Sirius business. And yes, I did just use that pun. He's always awake during Serious Business, but Sirius Business just isn't worth his time.**_

_**Suddenly, I was on the floor. I'm not quite sure how I got there, as I don't recall being hit by a spell **_**or**_** Sirius rolling me out of bed. "Wha-a-a-t," I asked, in the whiniest, most annoying voice I could muster.**_

"_**Do you know what I did for you last night? Do you know how much I proved myself a Gyffinpuff for you? And then, AND THEN, you have the NERVE to NOT SHOW UP AT THE DANCE? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, POTTER?"**_

_**He woke me up, far too early on a Sunday, to ask why I hadn't been at the dance last night? Seriously?**_

_**The absurdity of this struck my half-conscious mind, and I started giggling. Yes, the macho Chaser was giggling. Like a girl.**_

"_**You—you really think I wasn't there?" I asked.**_

_**Sirius stopped. "You mean you really were there?" I nodded. He got angry once more. "THEN WHY ON EARTH DIDN'T YOU SHOW ME YOUR COSTUME? WHY DIDN'T YOU ASSOCIATE WITH US AT ALL, HUH?"**_

"_**I did, actually," I said. "But the probable reason that you had no idea who exactly I was, was because by the limits of my costume, I wasn't allowed to speak."**_

_**Wait for it.**_

_**Wait for it…**_

_**Lightbulb. "You were the freaking **_**mime?**_**" Sirius asked. I nodded smugly. He got angry again and proceeded to yell at me for not telling him in advance, as well as calling me several names which you really probably don't care to hear, and also insulted me, but that's just what happens when you pull a fast one on a Black.**_

_**Remus was smirking behind his fat book which I'm sure he wasn't reading. "So what did Lily have to say at midnight?" he asked.**_

"_**I don't really know," said I, "I left right after she recognized me."**_

"_**Mate, I would advise you to stay far away from her today," Sirius said.**_

"_**Please. I'm a Gryffindor." I changed and walked down to the common room. I did nothing to avoid Lily, but she sure seemed to be avoiding me. Or she was just avoiding everyone entirely. Even Remus hasn't seen her at all today.**_

_**I really didn't do much today. I finished my homework and we had a bit of Quidditch practice. I then spent some time in the library (to you it may be shocking, to me it's a fairly common occurrence). And then I was even back in the Common Room before curfew.**_

_**It was a rather quiet day, for something that had such a promising beginning, but I suppose a day off is needed every once in a while.**_

_**Oh, yes! I did have a bit of detention, but it was just writing some lines, nothing too exciting. Our DADA professor still thinks that's an appropriate way to discipline us.**_

_**This is the last day of journals, isn't it? You sure let us off early. I mean, this was supposed to go on for three weeks, and it quite obviously didn't. Oh well, I suppose you have caught on to our ruse that we're having far too much fun with this journal thing. I think a few of us may even keep it up once we're done! –cough—Remus—cough—**_

* * *

><p>Remus<p>

Day: seven

Time: early evening

Disclaimer: I blame it on the moon.

I must say, I'm honestly astonished that I didn't wake any of the other Marauders up, as the first thing I did upon waking up was roll over and puke all over the floor. Served me right for eating so much chocolate last night, in addition to all the candy and stuff at the refreshments table. I only had one cup of punch, though, so I know for sure that it wasn't a hangover or alcohol that I was suffering from.

Only half functioning, I _Scourgified_ the mess and stumbled into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and gurgled water for about five minutes to get the taste out of my mouth. Chocolate is delicious. Regurgitated chocolate, not so much.

I had no idea what time it was, but didn't particularly feel like eating breakfast, so I decided I'd go back to sleep for a few hours. It seemed like I'd just closed my eyes when…

"JAMES HAROLD FREAKING POTTER!"

Sleep? Who needed sleep when you had Marauders? I groaned and got up. Then, I walked over to James's bed (he was still pretending to be asleep) and yanked his sheet out from under him, causing him to hit the floor. If I wasn't sleeping, neither was he. I then went back to my bed and calmly pulled out _Unicorn Hair and Phoenix Tails: The Essential Handbook for All Wandlore Hobbyists, Seventh Edition_. Sirius just stared at me for a moment, but then James said "Whaaaaat?" and Sirius instantly went back to being mad at him.

I half listened to their conversation/argument. I heard James admit to being the mime, and I smirked. "So what did Lily have to say at midnight?" I asked.

James blushed. "I don't really know. I left right after she recognized me." I smiled and shook my head. James could be such a lovesick idiot sometimes. I enjoyed watching him and Lily together. When they weren't trying to murder each other, that is. Well, more like Lily is trying to murder James.

About five minutes after James and Sirius left the dorm room, I decided that sleep had no chance of coming, and so I got dressed and went down to the Common Room. I saw that it was about ten-thirty. Too late for breakfast then.

I went down to the kitchens, and the House-Elves were only too happy to make me some strong coffee and some toad-in-a-hole. James and Sirius said they had a big surprise for me tomorrow. I wish they'd just show me today; I definitely won't be in the mood for it tomorrow. They might have forgotten that the full moon is tomorrow, but I definitely haven't.

After breakfast I went back up to the dorm room. James and Sirius were at Quidditch practice by now. I'm not sure where Peter was. I decided to get a start on the reading that I would likely be missing out on tomorrow and the next day. That's what I did for most of the day, since the homework due tomorrow was already done. James promised that he'd turn it in for me if I needed him to.

At around four in the afternoon, James came up and asked if I'd seen Lily at all today. I hadn't left the dorm room, so I told him no. He sighed and looked depressed before walking out again. Sigh. The hormonal imbalance of certain teenagers.

Argh, what a miserable last entry to this detention diary. Oh well. Some things can't be helped.

* * *

><p><span>Peter<span>

By the time I woke up, everyone else had already left the dorm room. I guessed that James and Sirius were at Quidditch practice, and Remus was either watching them, in the library, or in the Hospital Wing, because sometimes he gets really bad the day before. I checked the Hospital Wing, and no Remus, so I didn't feel like I needed to be worried.

Since I knew that Remus was okay, I decided that I was going to practice some spell work and add the finishing touches on Remus's _surprise_. I really hope that he likes it. I feel like he will either really like it or try and murder us all. Yes Minnie, the surprise is _that big._

And trust me Minnie, if you ever find out what our lovely surprise is, I think you'll have the exact same reaction as Remus, though possibly ten times as severe.

Actually, I don't know. Remus can get pretty severe when he's mad, especially if his furry little problem is nearby.

I really hope he likes it.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews create a magic shield that holds off the new muse for a while and keeps the transcriber focused on Wizardly things. If we all bug her enough, maybe she'll get to work faster and not be distracted so easily by other random stories that have no place in her imagination until she is DONE!<strong>


	33. Chapter 33

Detention: JP, SS, LE, SB, RL, PP, 5th years

For: Not the last time

Assignment: Journal, day seven, LE, SS, SB

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

_I woke up around seven o'clock and went down to breakfast with my friends. We were all made up and enjoying ourselves again, and it was wonderful to be able to just talk about the dance like we'd never had any problems between us. I told them about finding out that James was the mime. Alice told me about how she'd managed to dance almost the entire night with Frank. It was wonderful._

_Unfortunately, they still couldn't give me advice on whether to be mad at James or not. A part of me feels like I should, after all, he danced with me for quite a while without telling me who he was, but on the other hand, he was quiet, respectful, and he didn't pester me to dance, I willingly accepted. He didn't make any snide comments toward Severus, in fact, he didn't glance in his direction or glare at him once! I just don't know what to do!_

_I avoided James for the entire day, and Remus too, for good measure. I didn't want to babble out all of my confusion only for Remus to tell James that his hard work was finally paying off. Granted, Remus wouldn't share my secrets, but he certainly would give James hints about it. What's wrong with me? I hate James most of the time, but now? I just don't know. He's actually trying to be nice for a change, at least to me. He's even not been so utterly awful to Severus for the last three days, though I'm wondering if that just means that something bigger is being planned for later._

_I sure know how to pick them, don't I? My goodness, first Smith, now Potter. What is the world coming to? I wish I could talk to Remus or Severus about the way James is acting, after all, they are boys, but they're both so close to the matter, one would tell me he's changing for the worse, the other for the better. I need someone who will tell me an honest assumption without being personally involved in the situation._

_I think I'm going to take a walk and see if I can find a Hufflepuff._

* * *

><p><strong>Sirius's Journal<strong>

**My alarm went off at ten o'clock this morning to ensure that I didn't miss lunch. I do that every Sunday, because before I did that I would sleep until one and be starving. It never bothered the others, because I spelled it so that it would alert me and be silent to all others. Therefore, unlike every other day of the week, I was almost always awake first on Sundays.**

**Anyway, I turned my alarm clock off. As soon as it stopped beeping, the memories of last night/this morning came back to me. "JAMES FREAKING HAROLD POTTER!" James opened one eye and looked at me. Remus groaned and I felt really bad. I hadn't meant to wake Remus up, and he was going to need all the sleep he could get, since the full moon was tomorrow. And the next day and the next. I wish there was a potion that I could make and just cure him. Remus is the nicest guy anyone will ever meet, except on three days of the month. And so a lot of people, when they find out what he is, hate him. It's just not fair! Remus doesn't deserve anything like that! I wish I could just hex the lot of those prejudiced fools to Antarctica. **

**…But anyway, back to the story. I yelled at James and woke Remus up, and he must have been really tired, because he jerked the sheet out from under James instead of me. I just stared at him in shock. I'm sure my jaw was somewhere near the ground. Remus just calmly retreated to his bed and pulled out a fat book on wandlore, his latest academic pursuit. I was still staring at him.**

**Then James was like "Whaaaaat?" in a whiny voice, as though he didn't know why I was annoyed with him.**

"**Do you know what I did for you last night? Do you know how much I proved myself a Gryffindor for you? And then, AND THEN, you have the NERVE to NOT SHOW UP AT THE DANCE? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, POTTER?"**

**And then, ****_and then_****, he started giggling. I nearly lost it right there. I was about to punch him in the face and let him sleep for another three or four hours, but he got himself under control and said, "You really think I wasn't there?" Which stopped me cold.**

**"You mean you really were there?" He nodded. I began to yell again. Though, reading over James's diary, you don't need the conversation repeated twice. Once I found out he was the mime, my brain and mouth disconnected, though James's diary and Remus say that I didn't say anything worthy of repeating to you here. Remus then snapped me back into normalcy by changing the subject and asking about Lily. James proceeded to prove that he was an idiot, then dressed and went to the Common Room. I also put clothes on, and realized that the dorm room smelled vaguely of soap and vomit. I asked Remus about it, but I think he was trying to go back to sleep, because he didn't answer me. I didn't want to bother him further, so I grabbed my schoolbag and left. Once downstairs, I made sure that I had ****Werewolves, Animangi, and other Such Transformations**** in the bag. I was studying up on werewolves, trying to see if there was anything that I could do to help Remus at all, like maybe chocolate lessened the pain of transformations, in which case I would buy him a lifetime supply of it (and even if it didn't help him, I feel like he wouldn't turn it down. He's addicted). And it wasn't as if the rest of the book was uninteresting. I'm really interested in Animangi, ever since you mentioned it in class back in third year. I think that becoming an Animangus would be a great boon when I become an Auror, and also, I could turn into an animal! Hopefully a dog. And I'm sure it could help me out a lot when I take the disguise test in Auror training. Also, when I retire, I can turn into a dog, and be a therapy dog for children at St. Mungo's or something. Or I could be a werewolf therapy dog! That would be the best! And I would be the oldest dog ever, because I'll retire somewhere about eighty-four and then multiply by seven…**

**2**

**84**

**x7**

**588**

**In dog years, I'd be almost six hundred years old! That would be awesome!**

**Minnie, can I have a dog for a pet at school? I mean, an owl is fine and well, but the school has owls, and I'm sure that Hagrid would be happy to take care of the dog while I was in detention and stuff. We could name it Fang and share it. What do you think, Minnie? It would be an excellent way to teach me responsibility, yes? Please say yes? I'll make sure it doesn't poop in the castle or chase you while you're in your cat form or anything like that! Fang will be the best behaved dog ever! And think of the alternative, if I get Hagrid a puppy, maybe he won't be so intent on getting a dragon as a pet instead.**

**I went horribly off topic there, didn't I? Oh well. Nothing very exciting happened. I ended up studying and putting the finishing touches on my part of Remus's gift. He's going to act at first like he hates it and probably yell at us for being stupid and possibly endangering ourselves by making his gift, but secretly he will appreciate it and as the months wear on, he'll probably grow to enjoy it. But I can't tell you what it is, Minnie, sorry. It's a secret.**

* * *

><p><em>Snape<em>

_Day Six_

_I hate Blacks. I really do. I think when I become of age I'll move to Siberia and be rid of them all. Sirius may not even be the worst of them, much as I'd like to believe otherwise. Sirius, Narcissa, Regulus, Bella, Andromeda, Walburga, all of them! Somehow I seem to have become the Black Family's personal pet project. I wonder how many of them actually know that I'm a halfblood, and not a pureblood like most of the House seems to believe. I know that Lucius knows, but does his wife? Do his in-laws? Would they meddle in my life so much if they knew that I was a halfblooded freak?_

_But you, Professor, probably don't care about my little tiffs with pureblooded families, so I suppose I shall write the last entry of this detention assignment. Here it is: Regulus woke me up this morning _again_, and again it was because of the dance. He's worse than a female Ravenclaw. I find it rather fitting that that was what his date ended up being the most annoying, gossipy, truth-twisting Ravenclaw in the entire school, Rita Skeeter. Naturally, she only stuck around for the first dance before running off to hang someone else's dirty laundry out in public. However, Regulus doesn't understand that she's not really interested and has come to ask me for dating advice. Dating advice! From me! He was wondering if Ravenclaws preferred romantic dates or intelligent dates like taking painting classes together or something! And he didn't remember the entire night. He had definitely been drunk at the dance. Idiot. He's just like his brother. Finally, I got so annoyed at his constant babbling that I told him that he had gotten so drunk that he ended up kissing two guys, which several people including Rita Skeeter had taken pictures of and then ran off to the kitchens with a House Elf. He freaked out and ran out of the room, likely to either ask a second opinion or have a little talk with Miss Skeeter about this. Another relationship probably destroyed. I'm a horrible person; no wonder people hate me._

_And speaking about destroyed relationships…I went to breakfast before all of the other Slytherins this morning except Regulus, who gave me a death glare and promptly moved to the other end of the table when I approached. As I sat down, an owl soared down from the rafters and dropped three letters in front of me. Meanwhile, Sybil walked over from the Ravenclaw table. I stood up to greet her, and she slapped me across the face. Like most things she did, it surprised me so much I didn't know how to react. She had tears streaming down her face as she yelled at me. "Do you usually have your harem of women act when you aren't interested in a girl, or is it just me that you can't break up with face-to-face?"_

_I had no idea what she was talking about, so I asked her. "What are you talking about?"_

"_Don't play stupid with me, Severus Snape! I thought you were different from the others. I thought you actually liked me. Well, here's what I think of you!" She punched me in the face, and I must say, it was a heck of a punch. I'm going to have a black eye for a week. I was knocked backwards into the table, and my hand hit a plate of food, causing a piece of bacon to fly up and land in Sybil's hair. "I hate you, Severus Snape! I hope I never see your face again!" She ran out of the Great Hall, wailing like Moaning Myrtle. I still had no idea what was going on, but everyone was starting to stare and whisper, so I decided that breakfast wasn't really that important anyway. I grabbed my mail and went back to my dorm room to sort things out. I could still come up with nothing that I had done between last night and this morning that could have caused Sybil to go from really liking me to never wanting to see my face again. And who my 'harem' of women were. I had a hard enough time getting girls to come within a fifty foot radius of me, and she thinks I have a harem? Unable to come up with any answers, I opened my mail._

_And there, all was revealed. One of them was my cousins, telling me that the Hogwarts dance was the best thing that had happened to the band in a really long time. It was nice, but useless in telling me what was going on. The other two were what provided the answers._

_One of them was from Lucius, the other Narcissa. Lucius, being the older-brother character that he was to me, asked me to really think about the repercussions of dating someone with a reputation as a crazy, death-predicting Ravenclaw. He didn't exactly tell me off for asking her to the dance, but warned me to be cautious if I proceeded. Narcissa, on the other hand, said that Regulus had written her and Lucius with the latest news about my measly social life and that Lucius was quite worried that I wouldn't make the right decision concerning my reputation, so she and Bellatrix had taken care of my reputation for me. Well, they certainly took care of it. Instead of being the target of Marauder jokes and a greasy slimeball, I was now the biggest, cowardliest jerk in all of Wizarding England today. I hate Blacks._

_However, I wasn't going to let the Black girls get away with this quite yet. Summoning up all the courage I had (after all, I am no Gryffindor), I left the Slytherin halls and headed for Ravenclaw. Even though I wasn't sure that was where Sybil was in the beginning, I was positive within ten seconds of getting to the stairs. Portraits buzzed as I walked by, not even bothering to keep their voices down. Phrases like "crying her eyes out in her dorm" and "Slytherin swine" followed me up._

_I reached the Ravenclaw entrance and knocked on the eagle. "Which is better, Muggles or wizards?" it asked me._

"_Neither," I snapped. "We're all human, and as such, all act in the same manner, whether they be awful or wonderful."_

"_Well thought," the eagle said, revealing the entrance. I went in, and again, everyone was staring. I was beyond caring, mostly incensed enough that I didn't need courage to keep me moving. There were two staircases, one presumably the girls' and the other the boys'. I picked the youngest looking Ravenclaw in the Common Room. Then I picked him up by his robes' collar and asked him "Girls side. Which is it?"_

"_Why should I tell you?" he asks me. He had a little tremor in his voice. _

_Being the Slytherin I am, I gave him the worst possible threat for a Ravenclaw. "Because if you don't, I'll blitz your brain with a few Obliviates. Then we'll see how much of a Ravenclaw you are." Go ahead and give me a detention for that. I don't care. It's not like you can impede any of my social life._

"_The right! It's the right staircase!" he yelped. _

"_Is it charmed in any way?" I asked._

"_Yes! Any boys who try and get up the stairs cause it to turn into a ramp!" I dropped him, trying to think of a way up the stairs, when Sybil just happened to come down._

"_Severus, I thought I said that I never wanted to see your face again." Her tone was almost friendly, her face, boiling anger._

"_Look, Sybil, Narcissa and Bellatrix acted without my consent. They're idiotic and far too nosy, but they don't represent my views. I really like you Sybil." She was crying again. What did I do wrong now?_

"_You don't have to lie to me on top of being a coward and letting others do your dirty work for you. I'm not stupid."_

"_I am _not_ a coward," I said. "And I never said you were stupid or crazy, although if you're going to believe everything that you read, you just might be." And I just screwed the entire thing up royally. Merlin, I'm an idiot._

_Naturally, Sybil got really mad when I said that. "I hope you die horribly, Snape. I hope you die by the very creature you are, bitten by a snake! Get out! Get out!" She then proceeded to throw a lamp at me. I dodged and it smashed at my feet, lighting the hem of my robe on fire. I got out of there fast, extinguishing the flames as I went._

_Well, now the only non-Slytherin who didn't completely abhor me wishes me dead, and my robe is going to be above my socks until I can fix it or get a new one this summer. Nice going, idiot. No wonder everyone hates me._

_Regulus is still avoiding me, Sybil and all of the Ravenclaws hate my guts, and hexes are flying faster than the rumors around here. Even Lily has been less around than usual. On a more positive note, the Slytherins needed an extra Beater for practise today, so I got to try and injure people without them thinking any worse of me than they already did. It helped reduce my anger a little bit, but not enough that I didn't end up lighting my Zorro costume on fire. Then I berated myself for being such an idiot; I could have transfigured it into a robe to replace the one that caught on fire._

_So, such concludes this detention. I eagerly await the next one; I'm going to be collecting Flobberworm mucus for Professor Slughorn. Yay._


End file.
